I am a liar.

No matter how hard I try to be authentic and honest with people, I am always catching myself in a lie. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not a pathological liar and don't feel the need to lie about everything I say. Sometimes, I tell people lies that I don't even realize are lies. I am lying to myself even more than I am lying to others. So, this is me owning up to what I've come to realize. These are lies that I've told.

1. “I’m fine.”

This is my typical answer when someone in passing says, “Hello, how are you today?” Sometimes instead I’ll answer with “I’m good” or “I’m alright.” These answers are almost always lies. I understand that when people ask how I’m doing in passing they don’t really want a long answer, but I tend to answer this way even to my closest friends. Sometimes I’m not fine though, and I need to own up to that.

2. “It’s fine.”

Not to be confused with my previous confession, “It’s fine” is often a lie I tell when something frustrating happens and I really don’t think it’s fine. Sometimes it seems easier to tell the “It’s fine” lie instead of rock the boat and actually admit your frustration. But sometimes, that boat ought to be rocked. Rock it.

3. We’ll catch up later.

Now I hate that this is a lie, but sometimes it is. When I tell this lie, I actually really do want to catch up with that person later. But classes get busier, work gets more stressful, and I never end up catching up with anyone. This is something I want to start saying truthfully to people.

4. I'm just taking a study break.

I say this, fully intending to only spend 10-15 minutes taking a little break. But I get sucked into the black hole of social media and two hours later realize I forgot to do all of my homework. I either need to start saying this one truthfully, or just cut out study breaks altogether.

5. I'm not worried about that.

I’m probably worried about it, but I don’t want you to give me a lecture on why I shouldn’t be worried. I am fully aware of all that the Bible says about not being worried and why I just need to trust God. So if you know I’m worried and I tell you this lie, just let me deal with it in my own time.

6. I know what I'm doing.

I never have any idea what I’m doing. If I tell you this lie, I’m just putting on a show. I stumble through each day of my life, but somehow they all turn out okay. But if anyone ever tries to say this to me, I’ll know that they’re lying too.