I'm This Young Once

Right now, at this exact moment, I’m twenty years old. In January, I’ll be twenty-one.

Now what do you think of when you think of your twenties? College? Grad School? Drinking? Dating? Marriage? Babies?

Probably all of the above. I know people who fit perfectly into each of these category’s. The question is where do I fit in? Yes, I’m dating. Yes, I’ve done a bit of college. The thought of having a baby this early scares me.

I don’t fit into any of categories perfectly. Last week if someone would’ve asked me where exactly my life is headed I would’ve freaked out. All I have going for me is becoming a psychologist and owning a jeep. I also casually decide if I am going to my dad’s every weekend. (sorry not sorry)

I have friends who graduated college and some going to grad school. I have friends married. I have friends younger and older who have had kids.

What am I doing or should I say planning to do with my life?

Well, it is currently a little past midnight while I am writing this. I am sitting on my bed while this is past the due date.

I am not in college. I’m not married. I’m not having a baby. Actually, I don’t think I have an exact plan.

Why is this you may ask?

Well, every single time I make a plan, life goes and says nope. It took me until today that I am never going to have an exact plan of my life. I am young. I also have so much ahead of me.

So now I make little goals and go from there. I have a job which helps me save money so I can go back to college. People ask me all the time if I plan to go back to school and where. I know I am going to go back to school. I may not know exactly where I am meant to continue my education but the fact that I know I am going to go back is something not many can say.

Being twenty has opened my eyes in so many ways.

I am not the normal twenty-year-old. I have doctor appointments and therapy sessions on a weekly basis. I used to let that bring me down because I thought it was negative. I felt sorry for myself. I realized that without this help that I am getting I would probably be dead so I should be grateful for the help. My doctors all work hard to make sure that I am on the right path.

I realized I wasn’t normal when I knew that I have seen a certain doctor for a year or realized that on all my days off I am at a therapist or an appointment. You know what, it wasn’t in my life plan to spend the last year and a half almost two years on my health. I never expected to have as many health issues. I expected that I would have them under control within six months but nope. I have said multiple times that I would be doing something else with my life.

But guess what? I’m not and it is perfectly okay.

So, what I’m not the girl who is married? So, what I am not the girl who is graduating college? So, what that I am taking some time off to focus on me?

My life isn’t normal. I don’t have it planned out. I take it day by day and see where that takes me. It is my life and I am going to take it at my pace.