Simplicity. It's been my motto since I can remember. I thrive on filling my days with simple events, tasks and hobbies because, combined, they make for long, busy and complicated days! Some say simplicity is boring, but just because you may live a simple life, doesn't necessarily mean you have to be simple yourself. I, for example, am a fairly complicated person, so I try not to fill my days with too many intricate tasks to keep my stress levels at a minimum. I also find people who tend to live simpler lives have it a little easier at the end of each day.
But, there is one affair I still haven't quite conquered or discovered how to make as simple as everything else that circumvolves around me. BREAK-UPS.
BOTTOM LINE: Break-ups are hard! There is nothing simple about ending a relationship, especially when you have emotions attached.
One of the hardest parts of a separation are the lines drawn in the sand once the dust has settled. I don't know about you, but have you ever been to the beach? You can draw a line, walk 10 feet, look back and there are millions of lines, in every which direction you can imagine. How do you know which one is yours? That's right, you don't. Not unless you made your line deeper and more defined than the rest, making sure you knew exactly where it had been drawn. The same thing goes for relationships, especially when things have come to an end. If there are no clear and defined lines drawn, situations can get confusing, feelings can get blurred and simple remarks can be blown out of proportion.
It's hard enough to have to come to the realization that everyone isn't meant to live happily-ever-after with one another, but once you have, that is when the hard part essentially begins. When your relationship is over, there isn't a rulebook that tells us what we should and shouldn't do or things we should or shouldn't say. All people are different, suggesting all of our relationships will be diverse as well. Some people end things on a good note, while others end things leaving it a little less rosy. I personally choose to keep things on the peachier side, but because of that decision, my break-ups seem to be far less than the ideal version of "simple."
Looking back at all of my past relationships, there is one common factor that is shared between all of them. When things have come to an end, we both tend to agree to "be friends." This is the most ideal scenario for most, but being friends takes time and doesn't happen overnight. When making the decision to stay friends, there are terms that must be worked out and discussed between the both of you, or situations can get confusing. Because of this, "simple" isn't a term I tend to associate with a breakup.
In my most recent split, I found myself in between a rock and a hard place. We had agreed to stay friends but hadn't set our boundaries which was a huge mistake. Things became messy fairly quickly, sending my life into a complete downward spiral. Once I had realized the effect of "staying friends" on and in my personal life, I became apprehensive. I knew I had a hard decision heading in my direction, seeing as how I still had family, friends, colleagues and even acquaintances questioning our newfound friendship. They were continuously asking if we were still an item, and it rapidly became vexatious. I was tired of the confusion it was displaying to others, and most importantly, the perplexed emotions it was still conveying to myself.
After a couple of weeks of finding the courage, I had to tell my ex we couldn't communicate on a regular basis anymore, because we both needed to let each other go. We are both BEAUTIFUL people whose timing just wasn't right, and we needed to move on. So in layman's terms, I told him, “I'M A PEACOCK, AND YOU HAVE TO LET ME FLY!" Needless to say, he wasn't a happy camper with me after I told him that. I think deep down he knew it meant I was officially moving on, which I was, and it also meant he couldn't stay attached himself. I was in need of making my life simple again without his daily confusion. But in no time at all, I think he realized it was for the best, because after the dust had settled, we became true friends after giving one another the time and space each of us needed.
I have never been one to leave relationships, friendships, work-oriented relationships or even family relations complicated or messy because it tends to make for a bad day, but sometimes you have to close one door before another one will present itself.
