I'm Breaking Up With Math, Finally

They all told me this moment would come, but somehow it seems so surreal. From the first day of kindergarten, you have haunted me through multiplication tables, long division, and impossible-to-retain formulas. Pages upon pages of scratch work have been blurred with tears that only you are to blame for. My teachers and parents told me that one day all of this would end and I could cut myself from your overwhelming grasp, but now that this day is just around the corner it seems oddly surreal.

I'm not going to lie. For a while you had me fooled.

You came into my life slowly and innocently. You introduced yourself through games and even prizes if you could count from 1-10. I learned how to tell time and I was even thankful for your influence. I now knew how long it was going to be when the cookies were in the oven and mom could no longer lie to me about what time it was when she wanted me to go to sleep.

I thought for just a minute, that maybe we were on the same team here.

That's when I let my guard down. I signed up for honors classes and fully imbursed myself in the hell that was your wrath. I underestimated your power and suffered the consequences of my gullibility. I still remember the first day you betrayed me. I was sitting in my freshman honors algebra class. My teacher, who didn't give out prizes for correct problems FYI, assigned us a 'critical thinking' problem that no person with a normal operating left brain could perform.

But that was just the beginning.

I stopped giving you my time. You begged for my attention through pop quizzes and detentions for 'getting on my phone during instruction'. I neglected you for vocabulary quizzes and assigned essays. You made your power over me clear through failed tests and report cards. However, I refused to let you see me sweat.

But you were relentless.

You realized that I was too far gone, and you took this to drastic measures. You began to disguise the alphabet into your game in the form of 'variables'. At the time, I was furious. It seemed as if you were incapable of leaving me alone. Ignoring you didn't work, and I was forced to interact with you through the 'required' stamp on my plan of study.

But I will not stand for it any longer.

I don't have to stand for it any longer. I am enrolled in the last math class that I need for my college degree, and the last week of April we will part ways forever. I will no longer shed tears over your expectations and manipulation. I will no longer waste hours of my life memorizing a formula I can google in a few seconds. I will leave you, my tear blotted scratch work, unfinished multiplication tables, and failing test grades in the past, and I will never look back.

It seems as our time together inevitably comes to an end, your efforts are increasingly destructive.

I was forced to take my third to last math test today. I spent hours studying, working relentlessly against your efforts to destroy my future. You let me slip by the first half of the semester. I creeped by you with a solid A, but now it seems it will not be so easy. So when my professor asked me what happened to me when I failed my last test and my average dropped 8 points I explained our complicated and longlasting unhealthy relationship and the obvious role you played in my failing grade. I am not sure why she didn't understand.

I'm done with you, Math.

And don't even try to mess with my grade on my exam. We're over. I'm serious this time.

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