This is a very exciting time for the world right now. Everyone's eyes are focused on Rio, watching as the Summer Olympic Games has commenced. The Olympics is a place for freak-of-nature level athletes who perform with strength, grace, and sheer talent. There are many categories that the world's most impressive athletes can compete in, including white water rafting, beach volleyball, swimming, gymnastics, boxing, tennis, cycling, and synchronized diving. These sports are fun past times for the rest of the planet, but in Rio, for the next three weeks, these competitions are battles for glory.
Now imagine what would happen if the Olympics occurred for college students: The Collegiate Olympiad if you will. Would the campus gym center become the hub for boxing and volleyball competitions? Would swimmers battle at the local YMCA? In my opinion, the "sports" would be a little different. Here are 12 Olympic competitions that would exist, if a Collegiate Olympiad took place.
1. Attending an 8am class.
No one wants to do this. Very few people actually do this. If the Collegiate Olympics took place, this would be one of the toughest competitions for even the fiercest of athletes. Competitors would be awarded a gold medal for attending class every day of the week, a silver medal for attending class 3-4 times a week, and a bronze medal for attending class 1-3 times a week.
2. Going to bed early.
Getting a good night's rest is something that seems so important, yet is so rare to accomplish as a college student. When Netflix and homework are involved, getting to bed before the time starts reading single digits is a rare feat. Competitors would be awarded a gold medal for going to bed by 10pm, a silver medal for going to bed by 11pm, and a bronze medal for going to bed before midnight. *DEDUCTIONS WILL BE TAKEN FOR EVERY 15 MINUTES SPENT PHYSICALLY IN A BED BUT MENTALLY ON TUMBLR*
3. Working out.
Personal health and fitness are crucial to a happy and whole being. So I guess a lot of college kids could be happier and more whole, because when life gets busy, the gym is the last thing we have time for. Competitors would be awarded a gold medal for exercising 4-7 times a week, a silver medal for exercising 2-3 times a week, and a bronze medal for exercising 1 time a week.
4. Not running out of bonus bucks, dining dollars, paw points, etc.
It happens to the best of us, the worst of us, and all those in between. You have a set amount of imaginary (not really, but at least invisible) money to spend in the on-campus fast food places or convenience stores. Maybe you have $100, $300, or $500. Even $100 seems like it could last you forever! EXCEPT IT NEVER DOES. Two months into school and your balance of fun money is $3.99 and you want to cry. Therefore, preserving these bonus bucks shall be an intense personal challenge. A gold medal would be awarded if an athlete has 50% of their dining dollars left at the mid-semester mark, a silver medal for those with 25%-49% of their dining dollars at the mid-semester mark, and a bronze medal for under 25% of their dining dollars remaining at the mid-semester mark.
5. Eating breakfast.
I don't remember the last time I did this...oh yes I do, it was my senior year of high school. Ain't nobody got time for that. A gold medal would be awarded to athletes who eat breakfast 5-7 times a week, a silver medal to those who eat breakfast 3-4 times a week, and a bronze medal to those who eat breakfast 1-2 times a week.
6. Making your own doctor's appointment.
When you start college, you will soon realize if you start to feel sick, there's no mom there to call the doctor's office for you. What the f**k do you do?! You must adult and do it on your own. A gold medal would be awarded to students who complete the process of making an appointment all on their own, a silver medal to those who only needed to ask a parent for insurance information, and a bronze medal to those who needed to ask a parent for insurance information, a social security number, or for their doctor's phone number.
7. Avoiding parking tickets.
"Oh I never get parking tickets! I would NEVER park in a handicap spot, not even for a second! Oh I don't care if a faculty spot is the only one open, I will drive down the block!" -No College Student Ever. (You'll learn when you get here.) A gold medal will be awarded to athletes who have gotten 1 parking ticket or have escaped with a warning, a silver medal to athletes with 2-3 tickets, and a bronze medal to athletes with 3-6 tickets. After 6 tickets, I think you'll just get a bill in the mail.
8. Writing papers in advance.
"You can't just do this assignment the night before" is a challenge to coffee fueled college students, and we have all pulled a one-nighter because of it. A gold medal will be awarded to competitors who begin their paper the week it is assigned, a silver medal to those who begin their papers a week before it is due, and a bronze medal to those who begin their papers at least 2 nights before it is due.
9. Not spending money on fast food.
It seems literally impossible to not go to Taco Bell once a week when you have your own car and no mom to yell at you. It's also really easy for the Taco Bell trips to add up, and for your pay check to disappear. A gold medal will be awarded to athletes who spend less than $5 on fast food a week, a silver medal to those who spend under $10 a week, and a bronze medal to those who spend under $20 a week.
10. Acing an interview.
When you're in college, you'll have to tune up your interviewing skills to get a job or an internship. If nothing else, you'll find yourself doing fake interviews in your mandatory communications 101 class (yes it is real). Everyone gets nervous to walk into an interview, so it is a big competition in the Collegiate Olympics. A gold medal will be awarded to athletes who dress perfectly for their interview and show up 10 minutes early, a silver medal to those who dress appropriately and show up right on time, and a bronze medal for those who come a tad under-dressed and a little late (because at least you showed up.)
11. Showing up to class looking presentable.
Late nights happen, bad hair days happen, and wardrobe malfunctions happen, so it is a really great day for a college student when they look put together and ready for the day when they show up to class. A gold medal would be awarded to students who look presentable 5 days a week, a silver medal for those who look presentable 2-4 times a week, and a bronze medal for those who look presentable 1 time a week...werk it.
12. Face-to-face communication.
Twitter and Tinder and Texting have ruined face-to-face communication for our generation. As college students, these things practically beg us to stay cuddled up in our dorm all day long. Therefore, face-to-face interaction, be it a lunch date or group a study session, would be an award-worthy activity. A gold medal would be awarded to athletes who have an actual social interaction 5-7 times a week, a silver medal to those who have an interaction 2-4 times a week, and a bronze medal to those who have an interaction 1 time a week.
So...how would you do at the Collegiate Olympics?
