One of my all-time favorite movies, regardless of the holiday season, is "Home Alone" (Chris Columbus, 1990). Eight-year-old Kevin is left at home while his family goes on vacation. All is well until two bandits get the idea to rob Kevin's home. Any other kid would call the cops, but Kevin decides to be the man of the house and makes all these booby traps to capture the bandits himself! Might I add, these booby traps are quite dangerous. The two bandits, Harry and Marv, take some brutal beatings, however, there is no way they would realistically get out of that house alive! Here are some of the injuries Harry and Marv would have faced, had they have happened in real life!
1. BB gun shots to the face
BB's aren't that bad, but Marv definitely would have had some lacerations to the face. Probably not enough to fracture the skull, but enough to break the skin. Harry, on the other hand, got shot in the crotch. That probably just really hurt.
2. Slipping on ice and falling down steps
If someone was lucky enough, slipping on ice might not result in any injuries. These bandits not only slipped on ice but, fell down steps. This would probably result in some broken bones such as ribs, hips, and maybe a concussion from hitting concrete.
3. An iron to the face
Marv gets pounded in the forehead with a falling iron. His face is marked with a "V" but, he should have been knocked out cold. His skull would have been fractured, possibly breaking his nose and some SERIOUS bruising.
4. A burn from a metal door knob
Depending on how hot that door knob was, Harry's hand would have some serious burns. I'm talking blistering and possibly immobility for a while.
5. An impaled foot from a nail
I cringe every time I watch this scene. A nail going through a foot could really mess it up. The tissue would definitely be torn, and tendons would be injured, for sure. Not to mention the risk of tetanus.
6. A stocking hat on fire
Harry had some redness from his hat being on fire. Realistically, the fire would have moved down onto his face, giving him some serious burns. Those scars would not look pretty if he even survived.
7. Stepping on broken glass
Marv steps on broken glass ornaments AFTER his foot had already been impaled. Glass would have definitely broken the skin, and lodged inside his foot. He probably would have faced some serious infections, too.
8. Getting hit in the face with full paint cans
Harry and Marv both get hit in the face with paint cans. These guys would have, without a doubt, had serious concussions, broken bones in the face, and probably broken bones throughout the body because they fall backward onto the floor. Honestly, they'd probably die!
9. Getting beat on the torso with a crowbar
Marv beats Harry with a crowbar to kill a spider. (Who wouldn't respond that way?) The blunt force of a metal object like that would have to break some ribs, destroy intercostal cartilage, and possibly even a collapsed lung.
10. Crashing into the side of a brick house
Crashing into the side of a brick house would cause some major damage. Broken bones, skull fractures, spinal fractures, they honestly would probably be paralyzed or dead.
11. Getting smacked over the head with a metal shovel
Death.
Had this been a realistic movie, there is no way those two bandits would have made it past the first minute in the McCallister's home. As for Kevin after Buzz finds out what happened to his room? He is DEFINITELY getting fed to the pet tarantula.
