The Truth About the "If Only" Guy
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The Problem with the "If Only" Guy Is Him, Not You

Yeah, he'd be perfect IF ONLY he weren't scared of relationships.


In college something I've had to learn is there is no happy ending for an "if only" guy. You know the one.

He'd be the perfect guy IF ONLY he'd be ready for a relationship. We'd be together IF ONLY he wasn't scared of commitment. We'd be falling head over heels for each other IF ONLY he was ready to stop messing around with girls at the bar.

Typically, these kinds of guys make it seem like a "you problem" when in reality, it's a "him problem". Whether it's distance, lack of communication or you "just aren't compatible", these guys would be a part of your life IF ONLY they really wanted to be.

Wrapping your head around that concept is so hard. It hurts to have found someone you see so much potential in only to have them decide they only want you when it's convenient for them. Sometimes it completely blindsides you. One day you're laughing on his couch watching him sing Frank Sinatra lyrics into a pizza microphone, and the next day a flip has switched and he's decided he's just not that into you anymore. That's the moment you have to stop believing in his potential because potential doesn't matter if his actions don't follow through. Yes, he couldbe amazing, but that doesn't matter. He didn't want to try.

You can question every interaction you had with him, but you'll probably never find out why he broke things off with you. Maybe it's another girl. Maybe he got scared. Maybe you said something too clingy, or maybe his friends told him to ditch you. It doesn't matter now. Guys who don't see your potential are a complete waste of time.

In my own situation, I had to realize no matter how badly I wanted to be the one that changed his perspective on relationships, I wasn't going to be because he'd already given up. Sometimes I regret trusting him because in the end all I'm left with is self-doubt, questions and a Polaroid picture.

My point is this: If a guy wanted to be that person—and more specifically that person for YOU—he would be. There's nothing you can do to change that. You don't hate him, even if it's easier to tell yourself that now. Instead you need to tell yourself he is not the guy for you right now because of who he is right now. It doesn't hurt him to know he hurt you, that was part of the game. In fact, the only person getting hurt now is you. Stop wasting your precious time waiting for a boy to be something he is clearly not ready to be.

In fact, stop looking for that boy all together and wait for a man who is already that person.

You and I both deserve that much.

thank u, next

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