I found myself wanting so much to be with you, and I had the idea in my head we would be married by sometime the next year. Looking back now, I’m glad things ended. They weren’t pretty, and I wish they had ended better, but how often does it end on a good note? Truth is, I fell hard for you. We went through our rough patches, and we got through it. It never really felt right after, though. We were almost a year and a half in, and I realized I just didn’t feel it anymore. I didn’t feel the butterflies when we talked, I didn’t get excited thinking about our future, and I was just plain tired. You’ll always have a place in my heart, but I couldn’t keep fooling myself.
I liked the idea of having a future. For once, I had a stable, long-term relationship. I thought I could see a forever kind of love, but the longer time went by, the more I lost sight of what I wanted so badly. I struggled with the idea my friends were getting engaged, and I had just ended what would have been mine, but you can’t fake something like that. The more I thought about it though, the happier I was with my decision.
You weren’t a bad person, but sometimes, things don’t work because two people don’t belong together. I constantly fought for your time and affection, and you constantly heard me nagging about wanting your time. We went from the liking, to the puppy love, and then, things got more serious. We started to disagree on more things, and we found out it just wasn’t going to work. You never gave up, which I admire you for. You’ll always be in the back of my mind as my first love, but you couldn’t love me as hard as I loved you.
Sure, you have your good times, and you’ll always have a past. However, sometimes that’s all you’ll have together. A past. There’s not a chance of a future with someone because you just can’t see it. In college, most date to be married one day. Things are taken more seriously than just the normal high school crush. You may find the one you’re supposed to be with, date all through college, and get married. Then, there are the ones who meet in college, date for a year or two, and break up. You feel like a failure, and that you wasted all that time for nothing, but you didn’t. Because if it was meant to be, it would be. You shouldn’t feel obligated to stay with someone you’ve spent a significant amount of time in a relationship with if it isn’t right. You shouldn’t keep going back to someone you aren’t happy with, or who mistreats you.
No matter how hard you try, if it isn’t right, then there’s no reason to put yourself on the back burner for something that isn’t going to happen. Sometimes, you have to put yourself first and let him go. In the end, you’re saving him for something he’ll thank you for later. If you don’t let him go, you’ll be miserable and end up trying harder than it’s worth. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to love you as hard as you love them or fix something that just won’t work.
