On September 11th, 2017 at 3:50 in the morning I posted a Snapchat that would be seen by ~100 people, not thinking that such a simple Snapchat (darkness with the time on it) would lead to me being messaged by a guy that I've idolized since I was 15. We'll call him Brett for the sake of keeping his identity safe.

When I was 15, I discovered a band from California and after listening to their EP, I knew that they would be one of my favorite bands of all time. And since then, I've kept up with that band and seen them live three times. Each of those times I met the band and talked to Brett. Nothing too unusual, just typical conversation about his band and the album they were performing at the time. Flash forward to about three years later, I added Brett on Snapchat just to keep up with the band - I was about 18 at that time. Nothing unusual then, either. I didn't bother to look and see if he was looking at my stories or try talking to him or anything of that sort.

Now, in 2017, I'm a few weeks away from 21, and it's been about four years since I last saw the band and I have not been in contact with Brett or the band (obviously, I'm not a friend, just a fan). But on September 11th, at almost 4 in the morning, Brett decides to message me. And of course, because I've idolized him since I was 15, I had a total breakdown in the bathroom and no one to freak out to. We talked for three days straight, and then things took a turn for the worst. Now, Brett is not a conversationalist at all, he sometimes gave me answers like "haha" and "cool," and me being the girl that idolized this man, kept asking him questions. But I digress, after three days I realized that my idol was just like everyone else and it crushed me. Here I was, thinking he would be beautiful and his words would be even more beautiful, only to get one word responses and to find out he was only interested in me when he was feeling lustful.

We haven't talked since October 16th and on the day I'm typing this (November 2nd), he sent me a Snapchat - something completely random and stupid. And for the first time, I didn't reply.

I have concert tickets to see the band on November 8th and while it might crush me to see him in person, there is also a chance that it could help me cope with things when I see him and just think of him as a human.

Our idols are humans. They make mistakes. They have feelings. And quite frankly, a lot of them suck. They see their fans and only want to use them because they know they can. Idolization is a crazy thing: it lets us put someone on such a pedestal and refuses to show us that these "idols" are just like us. As hard as it is for me to wrap my head around why Brett started talking to me and refused to give me any time of day, I can honestly say that I'm thankful he came into my life because he's helping me learn how to not idolize any other human.