My name is Noel and I was adopted as a baby from South Korea. I have now lived in the United States for over twenty years. Throughout my life I struggled with my identity as I never really felt like I fit in. Identity is something that people search for and for me it took me a while to discover who I am, even today I am still trying to figure myself out. This article talks about some of those identity issues and how I dealt with them. I realize that not every adopted person shares the same experiences or beliefs but this is from my standpoint.
1. You don't belong- This issue is something that has been the root of my identity issues and other Asian-American can agree. I personally was adopted by two white Americans and I always joke with my friends that I almost feel like a "White person stuck in an Asian body" and its true I feel more white than anything because I assimilated more with American culture but I can never fully fit in because of my race. My sister, also a Korean-American adoptee really loves Korean culture like BTS. For me, I never really aligned with Asian culture. I always felt stuck in between but I'm proud to be who I am.
2. "So your parents, really aren't your parents?"- I can remember from a young age being asked this by my classmates in grade school. For me, even though I may not be blood-related to my parents but they are all I have known and for me are my "real parents". I also have two siblings from Africa and when my family goes out sometimes we get stares or asked if were a school group. I think that the majority of people are not used to seeing a tri-racial family. I used to almost get embarrassed and offended by the looks and questions from classmates. I've come to realize though that most people genuinely come from a curious than harmful place and most people just are educated that much on adoption Today, I feel that the traditional family construct is changing and I hope that one-day adoption becomes more of a norm but until then when people have questions I gladly answer them and have become less offended by the questions and looks.
3. Wondering what the life you could have had, would be like- For me, I think that I have always been curious about what my birth parents are like, who I look like more, if I have any siblings, or even if I could have the opportunity to meet them. I also often think on a more existential level like why was I adopted by who I was and what if I would have ended up elsewhere what would my life be like. Especially in my teenage years when I was trying to find myself, I struggled with the what if's? Over the years, I've kind of discovered that I can ponder all these for eternity but I will never have the answers I'm searching for. I feel like I may never be contempt with who I am and my life now but I'm happy and I don't want to disrupt that with a quest to find all the answers.
Recently, I have become a member of the Asian Student Union on my college campus and being surrounded by other people who are adopted and share some of the same experiences as me has been life-changing. This type of group has something I searched for a while. Now, I have people who get me on a much deeper level than others may not. While we have not all shared the same experiences we have this special bond. At the end of the day, I feel like I almost have two conflicting identities, but I am proud to be Adopted and love the life I have today. My identity may never be complete but for now, I am happy with who I am and where I am going.
