Warning: buckle up for a lot of gifs in this thing, because I just learned how to put them in these things so my editors don't have to and they're making me laugh. Sorry not sorry.
Anyways.
I don't know what I'm doing. At all. Not even a little. Whatever I do think I have figured out somehow gets messed up. Do you guys know what you're doing? Because I need you to teach me your ways. Seriously, I think I'm having a mid-mid life crisis. Apparently it's called the "sophomore slump?" So we have a name for this thing - why have we not solved this issue, so I can go back to not really caring about anything. I don't know if I take comfort in the fact that my friends are going through the same thing or if I'm just really sad for all of us. Probably a combination of both. All I know for sure is that I spend a lot of my time looking like this:
Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty happy overall, but so much is changing and it's all happening so fast and I truly and honestly feel like I don't know what I'm doing. This is leading to a lot of times where I just lay in bed torturing myself with old Taylor Swift music.
It's weird, because technically I'm a lot better off than some of the people I've talked to. I know what I'm majoring in, I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do with my two majors once I graduate, and I have an idea of what I want my personal life to look like. But the thing is, none of that matters. Even if I do everything right and ace every test, I can't guarantee I'll get to have the future I've got cooked up in my head. As a control freak, that scares the living daylights out of me. So let's start by listing the things that I need to figure out.
1. School
Majors? Check. General idea of what I wanna do after graduation? Sure. But what happens if I wake up next year and don't want to do any of that? All these classes I'm taking, the books I'm reading, the papers I'm writing: what happens if they end up being pointless. What then?
2. Love life
Ugh. I don't...I can't...I'll admit I have a crush. And I ain't happy about it. The last break-up is a little fresh...I haven't decided if I wanna go through all of that again. Also, I'm super rusty. What happens if I decide to go for it, AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO? WHAT THEN!
3. Social life
Girls are mean. I've said that a lot because it is true. So annoyingly, painfully, stupidly true. I've got some great girl friends and I've also got some that waltzed off with not so much as an explanation or angry text. All right ladies, good riddance, I guess? I think I'm at the point where I'm not going to waste my time on people who don't care about me as much as I care for them. But then again, still not sure.
4. Me
Everyday I wake up wanting something different. I'll decide to be nicer, healthier, whatever. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to want to reinvent yourself, but it gets confusing.
So, like I said, I don't really know where I'm going or what I'm doing. It occasionally leads to some breakdowns, but just remember:
