“Rose, I know this is a long shot, but did you take much acid during the sixties?” – Dorothy

"I wonder if jewelry comes from Jewish people? In Little Falls, the jeweler was Jewish. Jeweler, Jewish—I wonder if there’s a connection." - Rose

"How long is this story?" - Sophia

“It was at that moment I realized my bosoms had the power to make music.” – Blanche

“My Mother Always Used To Say: The Older You Get, The Better You Get, Unless You’re A Banana.” - Rose

“Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” - Blanche

"Let me tell you a story. Sicily, 1912. Picture this” - Sophia

"It's like we say in St. Olaf -- Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy." - Rose

“I could vomit just looking at you." - Dorothy

“Dorothy: I have a date. Blanche: With a man? Dorothy: No, Blanche. With a Venus Fly Trap.”

"Well, nobody ever believes me when I'm telling the truth. I guess it's the curse of every devastatingly beautiful woman." - Blanche

“People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” - Sophia

"Rose: Tell me, is it possible to love two men at the same time. Blanche: Set the scene, have we been drinking?"

“After 80, every year without a headstone is a milestone!” - Sophia

"Grandma Hollingsworth always said I was a little flighty…or was it a little floozy?" - Blanche

“Boy, I remember when I was a little girl, when we’d get depressed. Grandma could always cheer us up. She’d take out her dentures and she’d take a healthy swig from the aquarium, and then she’d put a flashlight under a chin, and we could watch the goldfish swim from cheek to cheek. We could have watched it all day… but visiting hours were only from ten to four.” – Rose

"Where Are You Going?” “To Either Get Ice Cream Or Commit A Felony. I’ll Decide In The Car.” - Dorothy

“I could get herpes listening to this story!” – Dorothy

“No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You’re old, you sag, get over it.” -Sophia

“My great-granddaddy always said that there are two things you never sell to a friend—a car and a slave—because if either one of them quits working you’ll never hear the end of it. Of course, they hanged my great-granddaddy. He said a lot of things he shouldn’t have.” — Blanche

“You've given some of your finest performances in back alleys” – Dorothy

“Let me tell you girls the three most important things I learned about life: number one, hold fast to your friends; number two, there’s no such thing as security; and number three, don’t go see Ishtar. Woof.” – Sophia

“Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains." - Dorothy

“I hate to admit it but he melts my Haagen-Dazs.” – Rose

“Like I’m the only person who ever mixed a margarita in a sailor’s mouth?” – Blanche

“It’s wonderful dating in Miami. Every single man under eighty sells cocaine.” – Dorothy

“I’m jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo.” – Blanche

“I will put a Sicilian curse on you that will be like hell on earth” – Sophia

"You look more like a chicken when you're angry." – Rose

“Life can turn around and spit in your face.” – Sophia

“There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line.” – Blanche

“It’s like you people don’t pay any attention to me whatsoever.” – Rose

“Fasten your seatbelt, slut puppy. This ain’t gonna be no cakewalk!” – Sophia

“I’m not one to blow my own vertubenflugen.” – Rose

"I thought I was gonna die. I swear I have never felt such agony. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes and I thought, ‘What a shame if I die now, I’m too young…and I’m wearing the wrong underwear.” - Blanche

“It’s like life is a giant weenie roast, and I’m the biggest weenie!” – Rose

“If This Sauce Was A Person, I'd Get Naked And Make Love To It” – Sophia

"I know I look square, but I’m like my father’s tractor. I take a while to warm up, but once I get going I can turn your topsoil till the cows come home." - Rose

"Dorothy: Rose, what are you listening to?  Rose: A relaxation tape. The rain is supposed to relax me.  Dorothy: Is it working? Rose: Not really. I keep worrying that I left my car windows down."

“I eat raw cookie dough. And occasionally, I run through the sprinklers and don’t wear a bathing cap. And at Christmas, I’ve been known to put away more than one eggnog.” – Rose

“Excuse Me Rose, Have I Given Any Indication At All That I Care?” - Sophia

"I think there’s a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste." - Sophia

"They were all buying T-shirts, you know, the ones that say, ‘Today is the first day of the end of your life." - Dorothy

“Oh, Sophia. I want to explain about last night. When I was a little girl one summer we had a terrible thunderstorm…" - Rose

"I've been having a good time, and there wasn't even a man in the room." - Blanche

“Dorothy​: Oh, c’mon Blanche. Age is just a state of mind. Blanche: Tell that to my thighs."

“I’m an old white woman. I’m not supposed to have color. You want color? Talk to Lena Horne.” - Sophia

"Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you, in anything backless." - Sophia

"Calm Down, Honey." - Blanche

"You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die.” – Rose