My senior year of high school was not easy. The burden of applying to 6 different schools, participating in my activities and trying to soak in my last year was extremely stressful. Before the year started, I fell in love with a school in Washington, D.C. and decided that I would go there if I got in. I was even bound via early decision. The pace of DC seemed to match the goals of the person I wanted to be. I loved the architecture of the feeling of power in the city. I loved the museums and I loved that, if something happened to me, I would literally be taken to the same hospital as the President was.
I am not exactly sure where it all went backward. Up until my acceptance, I was online shopping for merchandise and researching flight rates for the few occasions when I would need to go home. Every day was filled with worry and excitement about whether or not I would get in. So once I did, I think the reality hit about what it would mean.
It meant I would see my family only a few times a year. I would not be able to pursue music the same way as I was in Minneapolis. It meant I would be in severe debt after undergrad. It also meant that I could become the person I was not supposed to be. DC seemed to be the motherland for my news-junkie community in high school. This community was extremely competitive and stressful and I hated it more and more every day. I think subconsciously, I thought going to this coveted place would show them I won. I started to realize is that I could be interested in going to this school for the wrong reasons. And a student who transferred out of this school expressed that this competition is very prevalent in the school, thus possibly extending this stress I felt for four years. It seemed natural at first to continue into an extension of the atmosphere I felt and It is so tempting to pick a school just to show people that you got into it, but I knew it would kill me the same way high school did.
I like two parts of me were pulling different ways. One part wanted the glory and prestige of being in the nation's capital, but another wanted the support and grit that comes from the school I go to now. Something in me knew it was not right. I felt physically ill on the days that I thought I was going out there. If that is not a GUT feeling, I do not know what is. Honestly, I do wonder if I made the right choice. I wonder if I would be happier or more successful there. I wonder if I chose the right part of me. However, I rest easy knowing that I am stress-free, financially stable and I have a wonderful community of students and educators who want to see me succeed.
This was the hardest decision of my life. What I have learned through it is that sometimes, your gut knows where to take you even if your mind may wonder.
