I started a podcast in June after school ended with a few goals in mind. The primary goal was documenting what I was up to in an unprecedented summer. I was thinking, who knows, one day maybe it will have some value. What was the average teen up to during a summer that was not only the bridge between high school and college, but also was defined by the COVID-19 pandemic. My secondary goal was to give myself both something to do and to make. Without anything to do besides work, my creativity was waning, so I decided to put my mind to work.
Eventually, I gave up on the podcast. However, in the few episodes, I recorded I managed to learn a few things about myself, life, and making podcasts.
1. Publishing the Podcast is the Easy Part
Publishing the podcast was the easiest part. Monetizing it is a different beast I didn't even try to figure out. There are plenty of free services that put you on popular streaming apps and can even help with transition and background music, planning, and so on. A part of me thinks it was less gratuitous because it was just so easy to do. It wasn't like publishing a book or making a website, there wasn't any real editing I did or copyright work or coding. It saved a headache, but it left me feeling disconnected from my own work.
2. Breathing
I've never put that much thought into breathing. I was expecting to just be able to talk like I naturally do and it would be great for the podcast. I was very wrong. I mean besides the fact that I realized I talk pretty fast, I also breathe often and not quite loud, but noticeably. And on top of that, it was an odd situation where I was both worried about how I was coming off but also all alone in my room. I had to take long, deep breaths to make sure I could keep talking smoothly. Eventually, I did figure out a flow, and after that things seemed to go a lot smoother.
3. You've Got to Talk to Yourself
Besides the one episode where I talked to my brother for the majority of the time, I was only talking to myself. It was hard to visualize my listeners, who were mostly my friends, and hard to find any satisfaction in that I was sharing my stories and thoughts with them because I couldn't see them or hear them. Even things I enjoyed talking about or stories that made me laugh were daunting to talk about on the podcast. It felt like I was talking into a large empty cave. Talking to myself made me realize that, without anyone else to talk to, I was pretty lonely. Being holed up with my family since March, I always had them to talk to. But sometimes I just really wanted to be with my friends. And that's coming from someone who enjoys and thrives in my alone time.
4. Motivation Became my Biggest Enemy
Motivation... or lack thereof. This is definitely due in part to the pandemic bringing school to an early end, but even though I had plenty of time I couldn't carve out 2 hours every few days to put an episode together. And when I did, it felt like I was saying what I said last time. So eventually, when I really just couldn't get myself to record anything, I just stopped. And while I felt like that was giving up at first, I later realized I didn't have to keep doing something I wasn't necessarily enjoying. If I couldn't bring myself to make the podcast with all the time in the world, why was I doing it when I could spend that time doing something else?
5. Creating is Rewarding
Doing something that was mostly just for myself and hearing about how my friends liked it felt good. Besides the loneliness and the lack of motivation and the slight detachment from the work, I knew it was mine. It was my voice I heard talking on Spotify, and it was my pictures I used as the cover art. I felt a sense of pride in it, and even though I didn't feel as though I'd put in too much work, I knew it was mine. In a time where there was a lull in things I could do, doing something on my own felt like the cure to my quarantine blues and stir-craziness. It was like a journal, it was personal, it was like my putting a piece of myself, where I was and what I was up to, out for people to see as they passed. And, ultimately, I achieved my goal. Even if it was boring, it was real.
