They always say love all the parts of yourself. They always say you have to accept your imperfections and flaws. They say, "How can you expect anyone to love you if you don't even love yourself?"

But what if you want to love all of yourself? What if you are there, loving, but all your flaws and imperfections aren't letting you love them? What if they all gang up on you and say they want to stay imperfect? They annoy you and tell you that yes, you are imperfect. And you are unlovable. And you always will be.

What do you do then?

This Monster

The monster is sleeping.

She always leaves me alone in the afternoon.

When I have stuff to do.

Music to croon me and swoon me

Into a trance that everything's good.

So good.

This monster is scary.

She knows me too well even now.

When I seem to keep losing myself.

Slipping through the cracks of my core

My heart is getting so sore

From carrying everything

Being my backbone

In times when I don't think

I'm coming back.

My heart even knowing this monster,

Has given up hard in these attacks.

Yet this monster was weeping…

Late, late last night.

She holds my doubts and my fears

Brings news to my ears

That I am never enough

For the moment

That you want.

I am not what you want.

No one can want me.

Not when I have a monster

Who knows this.

I look at you.

I look hard.

Every inch of you,

I'd get to know.

Without judgment or commotion.

I want to know everything.

I want you to be open,

So, I can fill you with my love

And my passion

My devotion.

I think the more I love

The more I will grow

And the monster will die

Being pricked by this rose.

But you don't seem to want the same.

You don't care to know me, the same.

I have so much about me,

So much to me,

Sometimes I get overwhelmed.

It's so easy for me

To think I'm not wanted.

This monster makes sure this keeps still.

I need you to remind me.

How much that you want me,

Otherwise..

This monster…

She goes in for the kill.

I want to stop feeding this monster.

I want her to leave me alone.

I want to tell her I'm good enough

For the moment, for each and every

Life glory.

I want to fight her with confidence

I want to tell her I'm worthy.

That her words won't break my bones.

I want to tell her I'm sorry,

That she ever felt the reason

To hate me,

To turn my spirit to stone.

Though….

I must say…

I know who it is that let her

Have all these reasons to hate me.

I know who it is that keeps her alive.

I know who it is that must scorn me.

I know the culprit

behind the computer.

I know the true monster is buried inside.

I know the heart keeps on trying,

But her voice was silenced, she died.

I don't know the day I will tackle her.

The day I will slay her with myself.

I don't know why I look at you,

And feel like you want somebody else.

When I do know that I am dripping in sweetness.

In words that like flowers have stems.

I see the world every day through the lens of a poet

And these poems, they write for themselves.

This monster will visit me later.

She'll tell me that I am insane.

She'll tell me I am the reason

That my heart's lungs gasp in their pain.

She'll tell me I have nothing to do,

I have nothing to say that can stop her.

She'll tell me her knives are the truth.

And I, my soul, has no weapons.

So, there's nothing I'll do when she cuts me

When I'll bleed and break and I'll shatter.

She'll tell me she'll keep me awake though.

So that I don't dare to see dreams.

She'll tell me that being a human

Is about feeling and screaming

About reeling and dying

She knows what all of it means.

But I know something

This monster won't know,

And that's that I am aware…

Of pain, suffering, doubt and the fear

That this monster will always be here.

And because I'm aware, one day I will

Break her,

With the light of a girl who's not scared.

Who's not scared to love

This monster inside,

That knew no love for herself.

I will love her and love her

And never stop loving

And soon,

She'll stop crying

And she will love me, herself…

Soon, there won't be a monster.