If you are anything like me, you know how to take a joke. Your family knows how to push your buttons without it really bothering you, and you brush it off knowing that 5 minutes from the first roasting they put you through, another one shortly awaits. Soon enough, your friend group catches on, too. Since everyone I have ever loved or cared for kinda sh*ts on me all the time, I think I'm worthy of earning the title of the punching bag. Urban Dictionary describes this as:
"That one person in your group of friends who just get's made fun of, beat up on, or just plain sh*t on, all the time.
"Gil is such a loser!" - Friend One
"Yeah Gil you suck!" - Friend Two
"Thanks, glad to be the human punching bag" - Gil"
Think you qualify as one, too? If any of these apply to you, welcome to the club.
1. Your existence is an insult. Like, "it could be worse guys, you could be (insert your name here)".
2. Don't even think twice about getting that response you actually need in the group chat, because you're not. Need to know what time you're all meeting up for girls' night? Good luck. But when f****** Sandy needs to know what filter to use on her selfie? You best believe your phone won't stop buzzing.
3. Even when you do something right, it's not right. Finally made honor roll? Nah, you somehow cheated your way through it apparently. Did CPR on your friend who was seconds from seeing the gates of Heaven? Nah, your leftover spinach somehow landed on her tooth causing her extreme social humiliation. Found the cure for cancer? Nah, liar.
4. You are the scapegoat for any and all issues. Picture this: Action 6 News is covering the fiery meteor inferno plummeting towards earth that will swipe man-kind off this earth. You get a text in the group chat that looks something along these lines: "This is (insert name)'s fault". Everyone laughs, so do you, even though this happens with anything and everything that someone could be at fault for.
5. Shot gun? No shot. You don't even bother anymore. If your friends could strap you onto the roof with cable ties, even though there is plenty of room left in the car, they would. Only because they think it's funny and you can handle it.
6. All your ideas are immediately shut down. When everyone is throwing around places to hang out that day in the group chat, you know your brilliance will finally shine through when you suggest a day at the aquarium. Absolutely no one hesitates to say how dumb that is. 15 minutes later, Barbara suggests a day at the aquarium. Everyone praises Barbara. Dammit Barbara.
7. Your love life is completed invalidated. Finally hooking up with that boy you've been stalking on Instagram and you're actually content with your life? Tell your friends, they won't believe you. Or they'll laugh. Or both.
8. Group photo? You're not in it. Yep, you're the photographer. Sometimes you're not even trusted as the photographer because you're friends believe anything you touch will either break, spontaneously combust, or you'll find your own unique way of f***ing it up.
9. You know your friends still love you even though they put you through immense amounts of physical and emotional damage. Let's face it, being the punching bag is a lifestyle. It's who you are, you have to accept it, and you know deep, deep down your friends actually love you. Cheers, fellow punching bags.
