I wrote my first song on the bus on the way to school.
It wasn't anything special, it borrowed a lot from "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones, and had such touching lyrics as "I can't get me no satisfaction, I don't belong to you". It wasn't exactly Top 40 material, but it wasn't bad for a twelve year old. It was mine, and it was the beginning of years of writing my own music.
I remember writing three songs the week after that first one. I couldn't tell you what any of the words were, but I know I was incredibly proud of every flat note, and every cliche word. It was my little middle school thoughts put to music, and it felt good. I played a little bit of piano, and I remember putting the words to some basic chords, and feeling like I had seen the sun for the first time.
I started writing a lot more poetry as I got older and started adding instruments that weren't just the tapping of my pen, but the process has always been the same. I like writing about things that happen, thoughts that I have, probably some pretty ordinary things. But when you put an ordinary thing into a song, it becomes something extraordinary.
As I got to high school, I started playing open mic's, school talent shows, really just playing for anyone who would listen. The best was when people wanted to play music with me. I lived for (and still live for) a good jam session. I made a lot of friends who also thought of music the same way that I did, most of which i'm still friends with. I joined chorus and became one of the biggest choir dorks that the world has ever known. I earned the name ukulele girl (which was unbelievably satisfying), and even took my senior pictures with my ukulele (Photo featured below, watermark and all).
I didn't write music for a good period of time after high school, and those were the saddest months of my life. When I stopped playing music, that sun that I had seen for the first time when i'd written my first song, had been completely obliterated. It wasn't until I picked my instruments back up and started singing again that I felt like myself. Writing words had become a massive part of my identity, and to be without it was to be without myself.
When I started writing music again, I didn't understand why I had gone so long without it. I wrote song after song about all of the thoughts that wouldn't leave my head. I joined chorus again, and started working for the campus radio station. I went to a lot more live shows, especially small venues. I wanted to be immersed in that world again, and immersed I was. I felt like a kid again.
As an English major, the words came easier now. The good thing about studying words, is that they become anything but elusive. Songwriting became easier than ever, although it truly never becomes easy to write a song.
Writing music is more than just a way to pass the time, it is a way of expressing yourself. Writing gets all of those thoughts out of your brain, and into a palatable form. Even if you can only play two chords, put them to use. A song doesn't have to have the potential to become a platinum record, it just has to be yours. It has to be your emotions, even if it's just a silly song that makes you happy. Writing music is the most cathartic practice in existence. And even better, is when you meet people who love writing songs as much as you do. Riffing off of new friends is an electric feeling. Meeting people who care the way that you do, is an unmatched feeling.
Even now, instruments litter the floor of my college dorm room, and if you check my phone or my notebooks, you'll find unfinished lyrics everywhere. There is nothing quite like putting one's millions of thoughts into music, and it's a life that I never want to give up. I've started performing again, slowly but surely. It's a good feeling.
I am by no means The Flaming Lips, or any other great performing artist, but I like my songs. A lot of them are silly, there are songs about wanting to be an elephant or a girl scout, some of them are sad, some are about love, a lot of them are about people in my life. The cool thing about my songs though, is that they're all mine. I will likely never become a famous singer, but I plan on writing music until I die, and that is a comforting thought to me. I hope writing music helps me to continue meeting extraordinary people, and living a life in which I am free to create as my heart desires.
