One of my favorite questions to ask people is “If I were to look through a dictionary, under what words would I be able to find your picture?” I feel like the responses can be very revealing about people and how they regard themselves, and it’s interesting to know what people consider to be important aspects of their identities.
Some people choose adjectives – usually positive ones. Sometimes, they make it clear that they’re joking – “Oh, I’d be under amazing, stunning, perfect, and cocky” – and some are entirely serious – “determined and powerful.” Rarely do people choose adjectives with negative connotations, even jokingly, because they are often reluctant to bring to light what they view as the negative aspects of themselves. If they’re talking about themselves, they tend to want to leave the best impression possible, which is completely understandable. I mean, people often get annoyed with people who talk badly about themselves – I speak from experience, as someone who has been on both sides.
Other people choose the activities that consume a large amount of their time rather than their personality traits – dancer, teacher, musician, and gamer are some common examples. Some choose to answer based on their careers, whether they’re a student or actually work full time.
And then there are those who have a mixture of both responses because yes, adjectives are easy to use when describing yourself, but sometimes, the things we do are a huge part of us.
Of course, after I ask the question and the other person responds, they ask me to give my own answer, and honestly, I never can.
I think that some people can answer the question easily because they misunderstand what I’m asking. The question isn’t “What words would you use to define yourself?” If you actually consider what I’m asking, the question is essentially “What words could you define or describe? What words, whether they be adjectives or nouns, are you the epitome of?”
And maybe that’s not entirely clear (as I type this, I admit that the concept is rather confusing and was a lot easier for me to understand before I started trying to put it into words), but I think that if people fully understood what is being asked, they would limit their options if accuracy was the goal. How many people who call themselves musicians, dancers, teachers, gamers, mothers, fathers, etc. – how many of them would actually be willing to take on any title, to assume that they were the embodiment of whatever word they choose? Similarly, how many people would sell themselves short? How many people who could actually fit a word very well and be a good example of it, a good definition for it, even – how many of them wouldn’t choose it just because they thought that someone else would fit it better?
That’s usually my struggle with it. I can easily call myself a musician, dancer, student – but I don’t feel that I could use any of those to answer the question because I far from the embodiment of any of those. Additionally, "unique” and “complex” seem like the easy way out, and again, I feel like I’d be assuming too large of a title if I chose those words. Part of it could also be that definitions have never been my forte - I can use words and know what they mean and how to use them appropriately, but I can't define them.
Anyway, I usually just don’t give a response. The one time that I did, I chose the words “conflicted,” “frazzled,” and “anxious.” Even then, my answers didn’t feel entirely fitting, but it’s the closest that I ever have and ever will come to accuracy.
It's entirely possible that I'm just overthinking the question and that it's my own self-doubts that are preventing me from answering the question. I also think that it's pretty revealing - I'm still figuring out who I am. I'm still not sure enough of myself that I can choose a couple of words and be content with how well they fit me (or how well I fit them), and honestly, I don't know if I ever will be. I have a strong admiration for those who can and have answered with ease and I can only hope that one day, I'll be able to give an honest reply.
What about you? How would you answer this question? If I were to look through a dictionary, under what words would I be able to find your picture?
