How To Write When You Have No Idea What To Write About

How To Write When You Have No Idea What To Write About

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If you haven’t been in this position before, get out of my face.

You have to write something and you’re staring at that big blank space on your screen that’s whiter than the state of Oregon, praying it will reach out and take brilliant and beautiful information from your brain and wear it like a big, cozy and clever robe. But, it just glares back at you with the same dull, empty expression you’d expect from the old turtle at the zoo as it wakes up from a nap.


Trust me, I’ve felt that before. I’m feeling it right now, in fact. However, there are steps you, and I, can take to end the discomfort of staring helplessly at a blank screen until your eyes wither like a sponge in the desert.

For example, you can always, always, always use repetition. Sometimes it helps to just write the same word over and over and over and over again to fill up space and take up time while you think of something kind of kind of kind of kind of productive. You’ll never ever ever ever ever ever have to worry about a page minimum again!


Or, you can make really general statements that take a lot of time to narrow down to your stupid point. Like, in the beginning of your life, you were just a cell. Think about that. Wow. Just one cell. Look in the mirror. Now, you’re much bigger than a cell. In fact, you are a lot of cells. You’ve grown into a trillion cells. That means you are a trillion times better than you were when you were first conceived. That’s impressive. People get awards for “most improved” for doing a lot less than improving themselves by a trillion times what they used to be. You can do anything! You can build a spaceship, make out with Kate Upton or even pull the cork out of a wine bottle without a corkscrew. So if you can do that, you can find a way to make a general statement and take a lot of time to narrow it down to a single point while writing a paper.

A favorite tactic of mine is the attack of the rhetorical questions. What do I mean? Do you really want to know? You want to know what I mean by using a bunch of rhetorical questions? Let me ask you this: is a flower more beautiful in the rain or in the sunshine? Does a bird forget to sing if he does not sing for a long time? Are you afraid of the dark when you have someone beside you? Is the wind less bitter when you wear a coat, or are you just more prepared? If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does anyone care that a bunch of grass got squished? Did you answer any of these questions? Of course you didn’t. You probably ripped this paper in half and cursed my family. But you can’t blame me for having not written anything.

Profoundly, the most superlative gambit to writing when you have no bloody idea what you’re saying is to use elephantine, prodigious words over and over again. Don’t worry about being erroneous in your use of such ostentatious language, for your imbecilic reader won’t ever confess to not being in full awareness of such magniloquent language, and will simply dissimulate their familiarity with what you are saying out of a consternation of chagrin. Not only do photosynthesis words achieve the effect of hoodwinking your reader into believing that you are perspicacious and discerning, they also have very many letters, which extends your writing to a pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis degree.

The most important thing you can do when you are writing something, and don’t have the slightest idea of where you’re going with it, is to simply finish the paper by saying something that has absolutely nothing to do with what you were saying before. It will embarrass the reader into thinking they weren’t paying attention and make them think they missed something important. The blame is then moved onto them. I know it sounds weird. Seriously, if you ask her early and get her something nice like a teddy bear or chocolates, it is a lot more likely that the cute girl in your favorite sorority will say, yes, to going to your formal.






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If Taylor Swift Songs Were Types Of Alcohol

Because what's better than a drink and some T-Swift?
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With Taylor Swift's quick return to the music scene... and in a big way, might I add, I decided to associate some of the best Taylor Swift songs with alcohol.

I mean, who wouldn't want to drink to Taylor Swift's catchy melodies and perfect choruses to get over an ex or tell someone exactly how you feel about them?

Taylor Swift has been around for a decade at this point, and let's face it, pretty much all of her songs could go along with at least one type of alcohol.

1. "Welcome To New York" - Moscow Mule

It only makes sense. Visit the Big Apple and you have to indulge in the state's signature cocktail. Moscow mules are a New York classic, and if it's your first night in the city and you haven't bought yourself one, are you even in New York?

2. "Blank Space" - Everclear

Think about it... A night of drinking Everclear will leave you with a giant blank space the next day. You might also look like Taylor did in the music video.

3. "Tim McGraw" - Beer

Tim McGraw is a throwback to Taylor's high school love. What better way to reminisce than with a couple friends and a keg of your favorite cheap beer?

4. "Style" - Cristal Champagne

What's more stylish than with a glass of the most expensive bubbly you can find? Just like Taylor Swift, Cristal will never go out of style.

5. "Shake It Off" - Martini

Get it? Cause you shake a martini? I might be the only one who thinks that's funny but you might end up dancing a little bit with a martini in hand when "Shake It Off" come on the radio.

6. "Red" - Merlot


Red has to go along with a red wine. What else could go along with yet *another* T-Swift breakup song?

7. "22" - Margaritas

Let's face it, when you're 22, you really only drink margaritas. They're fun- and all the hipsters are probably drinking them too.

8. "Teardrops On My Guitar" - Southern Comfort

When your heart is broken, who are you going to turn to besides the only alcohol that gives you comfort...Southern Comfort that is.

9. "I Knew You Were Trouble" - Fireball

I can't say I've ever met anyone who spent a night with Fireball and didn't regret it the next morning.

10. "Look What You Mad Me Do" - Tequila

T-Swift's latest single is an angry one. What better to make you angry than tequila? Taylor basically just called out everyone who had ever talked about her behind her back and she did it in true Taylor fashion-by writing a song. She was probably drunk on tequila when she wrote it too.

11. ...Ready For It? - Bottomless Mimosas

Because it's just that good.

Cover Image Credit: YouTube

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Board Games Are More Important Than You Think They Are

They've become a defining part of my family.

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Remember when you were a kid and you'd have a family game night? Or your friends would come over and you'd open the game cabinet and play at least three different games together?

Maybe it's just me, but those are some of my best memories from my childhood. My family loves games, board games, and electronic games.

Of course, as I got older, gaming consoles like PlayStation and Wii became more and more popular. That meant that the game cabinet was opened less and less, collecting dust.

Thankfully, I live in New Jersey near the shore and Hurricane Sandy left my family with no power for five days. Sure, it was scary not having power and walking around my neighborhood seeing fallen trees or roof shingles, but we were inland enough to not have had any flood water damage.

No power also meant no PlayStation or Wii games. The gaming cabinet was opened again, this time with vigor. Now, four years later, and I still think about sitting in the dark with a flashlight playing Scrabble with my family.

That was also the week I learned how to play Yahtzee and dominated my dad in every game. My sister constantly was looking for someone to play her to Battleship. We exhausted Rummikub.

The game was already a family favorite, and that's including extended family. Family barbeques had been ending with late night games of Rummikub for at least a year by the time Sandy hit.

We were ready to strategize and crunch numbers, but after day three, we never wanted to a number ever again.

This semester, there's been a surge of board game love again in my family. My sister bought Jenga, which we are currently trying to exhaust ourselves with. My favorite board game also had a comeback: Life.

I loved this game so much that I had the SpongeBob version as a kid. I would play it with my best friend, just the two of us, playing game after game of Bikini Bottom themed Life. Now, I have a car full of "kids" that I've started to make pets in my head. I can handle having five pretend dogs, but not five pretend kids.

I don't know what it is about board games, but my family has always had an affinity for them. We've gone through our cycles of playing video games and card games, but we always come back to the classics. Maybe it's more a defining part of my family than I originally thought.

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