How To Write When You Have No Idea What To Write About

How To Write When You Have No Idea What To Write About

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If you haven’t been in this position before, get out of my face.

You have to write something and you’re staring at that big blank space on your screen that’s whiter than the state of Oregon, praying it will reach out and take brilliant and beautiful information from your brain and wear it like a big, cozy and clever robe. But, it just glares back at you with the same dull, empty expression you’d expect from the old turtle at the zoo as it wakes up from a nap.


Trust me, I’ve felt that before. I’m feeling it right now, in fact. However, there are steps you, and I, can take to end the discomfort of staring helplessly at a blank screen until your eyes wither like a sponge in the desert.

For example, you can always, always, always use repetition. Sometimes it helps to just write the same word over and over and over and over again to fill up space and take up time while you think of something kind of kind of kind of kind of productive. You’ll never ever ever ever ever ever have to worry about a page minimum again!


Or, you can make really general statements that take a lot of time to narrow down to your stupid point. Like, in the beginning of your life, you were just a cell. Think about that. Wow. Just one cell. Look in the mirror. Now, you’re much bigger than a cell. In fact, you are a lot of cells. You’ve grown into a trillion cells. That means you are a trillion times better than you were when you were first conceived. That’s impressive. People get awards for “most improved” for doing a lot less than improving themselves by a trillion times what they used to be. You can do anything! You can build a spaceship, make out with Kate Upton or even pull the cork out of a wine bottle without a corkscrew. So if you can do that, you can find a way to make a general statement and take a lot of time to narrow it down to a single point while writing a paper.

A favorite tactic of mine is the attack of the rhetorical questions. What do I mean? Do you really want to know? You want to know what I mean by using a bunch of rhetorical questions? Let me ask you this: is a flower more beautiful in the rain or in the sunshine? Does a bird forget to sing if he does not sing for a long time? Are you afraid of the dark when you have someone beside you? Is the wind less bitter when you wear a coat, or are you just more prepared? If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does anyone care that a bunch of grass got squished? Did you answer any of these questions? Of course you didn’t. You probably ripped this paper in half and cursed my family. But you can’t blame me for having not written anything.

Profoundly, the most superlative gambit to writing when you have no bloody idea what you’re saying is to use elephantine, prodigious words over and over again. Don’t worry about being erroneous in your use of such ostentatious language, for your imbecilic reader won’t ever confess to not being in full awareness of such magniloquent language, and will simply dissimulate their familiarity with what you are saying out of a consternation of chagrin. Not only do photosynthesis words achieve the effect of hoodwinking your reader into believing that you are perspicacious and discerning, they also have very many letters, which extends your writing to a pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis degree.

The most important thing you can do when you are writing something, and don’t have the slightest idea of where you’re going with it, is to simply finish the paper by saying something that has absolutely nothing to do with what you were saying before. It will embarrass the reader into thinking they weren’t paying attention and make them think they missed something important. The blame is then moved onto them. I know it sounds weird. Seriously, if you ask her early and get her something nice like a teddy bear or chocolates, it is a lot more likely that the cute girl in your favorite sorority will say, yes, to going to your formal.






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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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5 Things To Think About During Trans Week Of Visibility

You should always think of your trans friends, but especially during this week.

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Trans week of visibility is March 25 through March 31, these are the five things you should keep in mind during those days (and at all times).

1. Using The Correct Pronouns Are Extremely Important

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If you do not know which pronouns to use, just ask. When talking to a trans person do not assume their pronouns, hell- don't assume a cisgender persons pronouns it is always better to ask someones pronouns when you first start talking to them. Using the correct pronouns is a major step in accepting trans people and it makes us feel so much more accepted, loved, and respected. It isn't that hard to do, so just ask.

2. Dead Names Are Dead For A Reason

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If you know a trans persons dead name, DO NOT SHARE IT WITH OTHERS. It is dead for a reason. When trans people change their name (or pronouns) it is to reflect how they truly feel on the inside and show it to the outside world. This is something that is personal and should not be shared with anyone. Deadnaming a trans person is violent. Once a trans person has told you "Hey, I go by this name now", use that new name. Embrace it, love it, accept it, move on.

3. Never Ask What Genitals Trans People Have Or Which Bathroom They Use

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First off, this is none of your business and why do you want to know? This is very private information and unless you're a doctor performing surgery or a doctor treating a patient you do not need to know what genitals a person has. Nobody needs to know which bathroom a person uses. That's all I have to say about this. Just don't do either of these things.

4. The World Isn't That Safe For Us, So Please Try To Make It Safer

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Most of us are afraid to come out, even if you have been by our side no matter what or you have made comments that you would support us if we were trans. We are terrified because we know what the world is like for trans people. We see that the world we live in is a scary place for minorities and we are one of them. Being trans isn't easy, but coming out is one of the most freeing feelings in the world because you finally get to let the world in on who you truly are. It's all a scary process. If we come out to you, or even if we don't- just try to make the world safer for trans people. It's our cisgender allies that make the world safer for us. Without you all there is no change.

5. Love Us, Respect Us, Support Us

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That's all we ask.

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