I had a completely different article planned that I really wanted to write. But I couldn't; I woke up this morning, and, for no particular reason, I felt off.

Not sad or angry or any other emotions; I just felt off.

So I began to go about my daily routine, and my chest grew tight. I woke up to the most amazing guy kissing me awake.

I kissed my boyfriend before he went off to work, and as I stood in front of the closed door, my chest grew tighter.

My stomach dropped, and it was to late, I ran to my bedside table to take my anxiety medicine. I sat heavily on the bed with tears in my eyes.

For no reason

I cried until I couldn't breathe. I wasn't sad, and I didn't feel any particular emotion. I was just there, in that very second, dazed.

My boyfriend called to make sure I was OK. He said I acted a little off this morning. He reminded me how much he loves me, and that he's there through the ups and downs.

I'm lucky the first time I had a panic attack he had no clue what was going on. He just held me until I could breathe and I explained to him. He promised as long as he was around, I would never have to go through that alone ever again.

And that's exactly how it makes me feel, alone. Like I'm the only one in my world who actually cares about me. But that's not true. I have a amazing, supportive family, my boyfriend who's there through thick and thin and a best friend that stops by just to watch Netflix. I'm, in fact, the opposite of alone.

I assured him I was fine, that I took my medicine. He refused to hang up on me and talked, telling me stories or reading things off Facebook until the sobs subsided into hiccups.

He waited until I laughed before he had to go. Fulfilling his promise to always be there.

I still felt empty.

Panic attacks and anxiety are not a joke. They are not an excuse. They are not something to brag about.

I cannot stand to see someone on social media talking about their panic attacks and how it holds them back from what they could do. It is only like that because they are letting the anxiety control them.

I struggle with it everyday, from being in a crowded room to a cashier that talks way too much. Even days where everything could be considered perfect.

It is like a snake lying in the grass awaiting its next strike. It's unpredictable, but I have learned to cope with it, to go about my day.

You can only do what you think you can do, meaning if you think your anxiety is going to hold you back, it will. But if you think, "Hey, it's only in this moment; it will be OK," then everything will be okay.

I have learned over the years sit down cry it out or get angry. But leave your phone with someone else do it privately or with someone who understands and will listen.

Positive thinking is key, even though the only thing running though my mind is negative "what if" thoughts. I have a whole notebook I've filled up with quotes and stories all positive I read.

If you stay in that negative place, it will get worse. Only you can pull yourself out of the own imaginary hole you dug.

There have been times my love comes home and I'm so angry for no reason I cannot see straight. I ride his back until he realizes what's going on. Sometimes he will give me space; other times he gathers me in his arms and refuses to let go.

I have said some mean things before because I do get stuck in the moment. I have never once said, "Oh sorry, panic attack." Now I apologize and take full responsibility for what I said.

In those moments I feel invincible, I feel the overpowering emotions beating though my veins. But I force myself to breathe and walk away.

You cannot just live in that exact moment; you have to realize that attack or not, what you do or say can hurt not only you but also those around you.

As cliche as it sounds, it does get better. I promise it does. But only if you think it will.

This is all a monster that is in your mind that feeds off your thoughts. Good thoughts kill it; bad thoughts make it stronger.

I've learned the warning signs of when an attack begins, but sometimes it does sneak up on me.

I don't depend on my medicine to save me. I use it as a safety net so that if I get too far wound up, I know I can come back down.

But every case is different.