Probably half of my childhood was spent outside, frolicking through the woods. Over the years I really picked up on a thing or two about nature. Some would call me an expert, but I will settle with just calling myself a simple gal with a lot of knowledge. If I had to give a rough estimate of the years I spent outdoors, it would probably be one full year total, if you mushed them all up. I know, that is so much time, how can I even have a life outside of the woods, you ask. Well, I manage somehow. I decided that I am going to be so gracious as to inform the world of just how I've survived spending almost all of my life in the woods.
Probably the most important thing to know about nature is that you have to keep your eyes peeled for danger. If you've ever seen a scary movie about a cabin in the woods you would understand. Danger is just lurking around every corner. My advice is to check behind trees, in bushes, and even under huge rocks. Coyotes hang out in the woods. Those jerks will not hesitate to mess you up, so be on the lookout.
If it is even the slightest bit chilly outside, make sure to bundle up with as many layers as possible. Just imagine if a tree were to fall over on you and you were stuck out there for hours or even days! You would want to be warm enough to last until you reach the point where you have to cut off your legs to be free. You definitely wouldn't want to freeze to death before you cut your legs off. That would be the loss of a wonderful party story.
Always, and I mean always, bring a compass. Whether you know how to use one or not, a compass will come in handy. Perhaps you were to get lost and not know how to get home. You would clearly be bored out there, all alone. If you run around in circles, the compass arrow will move around in circles as well and you will have something interesting to do.
Never eat the berries. I am well aware that they look delicious and insanely tantalizing, but you will regret eating it when you are dead because of just a single berry. When I was in the First Grade, my best friend ate a berry on a class walk to a park. She went home early and never came back to school after that day. Alright, that is an exaggeration, she came back after three days and I am not certain it was berry related. But three days of sickness can seem like an eternity when you are in the woods.
If you do not heed my warnings, a simple stroll through the forest will turn into basically a simple stroll through hell. My years of expertise have taught me quite a bit on how to have a wonderful nature experience. Always be on the lookout for danger; be leery of every single thing, even a leaf. Bundle up into a human marshmallow. Put a compass in your pocket and never take it out. Do not dare eat even one berry. For your own sake, do not forget these lessons.
