How to Suck Less: A Guide to Veganism | The Odyssey Online
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How to Suck Less: A Guide to Veganism

A local hipster liberal arts student finally teaches the world how to be vegan.

How to Suck Less: A Guide to Veganism
Jessie Fales

Going vegan can be one of the best decisions you make for your mental and physical health, but you have got to have fun with it and learn how to love food, love your body and love the world a little better. Enjoy the tofu scrambles, the soy lattes, and the Oreos while you take on the world one carrot stick at a time.

1. Figure Out Why You Want to go Vegan:

Do you want to change the world through what you eat? Do you want to change yourself through what you eat? Are you trying to figure out How Not to Die? Being Vegan is hard, and if you don't have a solid reason to cut animal products our of your diet, you will not convince yourself that eating a pizza without cheese is in any way worthwhile. Having a vision will prove to you that it is worthwhile.

2. Learn What Isn't Vegan

Labels are everything. Get familiar with what you like, and stock up on your new favorite foods. This takes work and time to get used to, but eventually you won't have to look at labels anymore. You won't have to Google "Are Pancakes Vegan?" every time you go out to eat. In the meantime, load up on pasta, Oreos and Lays to get you through tough cravings. But ditch the bad habits ASAP because you aren't vegan to drown yourself in junk food.

3. And Still Eat Ice Cream and Deliciousness

We all know that Oreos are accidentally vegan, and deliciously vegan at that. Let us now consider the miracle that is Ben and Jerry's vegan ice cream. Bless you, Vegan gods. If you can't adjust to being vegan while eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's, I don't know how to help you.

4. Instagram Your Meals Everyday:

Post some photos of your food-art in response to the question, "What do you even eat?" You'll feel proud of your plant-based aesthetic while simultaneously proving you can feed yourself by shouting to the land, "Hey everyone! Envy my delicious vegan food!" which is an excellent reinforcement for why you went vegan in the first place.

5. Follow Vegan Websites:

Social media is your friend. Thug Kitchen, PETA and VegNews will help you out. Help yourself by making sure their vegan goodness floods your newsfeed. Prove to yourself that you are not alone! All the vegans out there stand by you and your vegan soul. They probably cook better than you ever will, but at least they got your back.

6. Tell Everyone You're Vegan:

"Seriously everyone. Hey Everyone! I'm Vegan!" It works! At first you'll want to cry while you order a sandwich, and sob as you pick at your kale salad. But then snap out of it and roll around in that vegan goodness. As soon as people see you enjoying your vegan tempeh spinach wrap with extra hummus, they'll want one, too! (This is also a good way to make vegan friends.)

7. Haters Hatin' Like Hate:

When your sister comes home from her big university where she's studying science and stuff, she's going to ask you why you're vegan. The people at the local taco shop will miss you, and dance by the window as you walk by. Meanwhile you spend $80 at the local organic food store and have know idea what you're doing with your life. It's OK, because you are vegan, and things are better when you're vegan.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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