How To Pretend To Be Adult

I like to think of adulthood as the awkward, lonely, and terrifyingly dark place between the much happier childhood and the coveted retirement years where all you have to worry about is which sun-soaked city in Florida you'll be moving to. Nonetheless, becoming an adult is something we all must endure. It happens so suddenly too, one minute you're a fun-loving, irresponsible teenager, and the next minute your parents start making you pay for things and get a job. And if that isn't bad enough, they might make you start doing more adult things, like laundry and taxes. Oh, the horror. I still haven't gotten this adult thing worked out yet, but I'll tell you what, I'm so good at faking it. I can seem like I have my life together, when in reality my dad still makes my lunch and I call my mom for the answer to life's deepest questions, like "What do I wear to a job interview?". So, as a kind gesture toward all my other struggling young adults, here is my guide to pretending how to be an adult. Hopefully it will buy you some time until you have to become a "real" adult.

Step 1: Get a part-time job

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Don't you just love dealing with the public, but getting paid almost nothing for it? Yeah, me too. The best way to pretend like you have your life together is to get some sort of minimum wage job to help you through college, or whatever you're doing with your life. It'll help pay the bills, barely, and it will make you feel like you're being productive because you're earning a paycheck every week. Valuable work experience, right? And you're mom can stop nagging you about pulling your weight because you're employed. Take that Mom. Actually no, I'm sorry Mom. I love you, please keep paying for my gas and car insurance.

Step 2: Buy A Planner

Get some sort of monthly/weekly planner so that you can plan ahead. You don't actually have to use it, just having it to look at makes you think you're organized. Baby steps, baby steps.

Step 3: Wear Nice Clothes, occasionally.

I know that we all want to stroll out of our houses in our pajamas, but sometimes there is a little effort needed when planning our wardrobe. Switch it up every now and then, because appearance is everything. If you look like you got your life together, no one will ever know you actually have no idea what a blazer is and your mom helped you buy your outfit.

Step 4: Learn How To Cook

Apparently a diet of Flaming Hot Cheetos and chinese food is not good for you. For this step, we are going to venture into a territory that is so unknown, most college kids don't even know how to use a stove. Yes, I'm talking about cooking. Mom and Dad aren't going to be making you dinner forever, sad face, so we must learn how to make our own meals. Even if it is something as simple as eggs and mac and cheese, it is still food nonetheless. Again, baby steps.

Step 5: Set Goals

Goals are great. For example, my goal is to graduate college and find employment. It doesn't have to be that huge though, if you're goal is to wake up on time for 7 days in a row, then good for you. Any goal is a good goal.

Step 6: Set Up A Professional Email

I don't recommend using that email you set up when you were thirteen to reach out to future employers. Something about JustinBiebersFutureHunny@xxx.com might just turn them off. I suggest creating a simple one using your name, it is a great way to feel more productive and professional without even trying.

Step 7: Don't sweat it, you're doing fine

All right, real talk now. Adulting sucks, and it is hard. But that's okay, because you're learning and growing every day and you will figure out the things that confuse you. Growing up doesn't happen over night, it's a long process of stupid decisions, regrets, and positive experiences and relationships that ultimately shape who you will become as a person. So, relax a little, have fun, and enjoy this overwhelming, but ultimately exciting time in your life.