“There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself? That is why life is always like a sketch. No, “sketch” is not quite a word, because a sketch is an outline of something, the groundwork for a picture, whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch for nothing, an outline with no picture.” - The Unbearable Lightness of Being

This first book I read by Milan Kundera was "The Unbearable Lightness of Being," and to this day, it is my all-time favorite novel. It opened the door to a lot of other novels from the same genre and of course, the plot line really resonated with what inner turmoil I had been struggling with for a long time. The main characters are in the midst of war, their country being occupied by Soviet Russia, but they are still able to grow (and yes, sometimes regress) in themes such as love, politics, sex, religion, and sense of self.

However, the one thing that truly stuck with me all these years later was the aforementioned quote. I had spent so much time focusing on how my life would turn out, or worrying that maybe I wasn't micromanaging my time or relationships enough. In all honesty, I had this idea that if I planned my whole life out in a planner or in my head that life would turn out okay and organized.

The first time I read those lines, I sat back and had this whole revelation that life wasn't meant to be constrained by a Walmart bought planner or calendar. That maybe, I had to take time out of my "busy" day to make time for things that actually made sense to me. I'm not in charge of my future, and I'm not even in charge of my tomorrow.

I've never really lost sight of my goal to live more freely without the constraints of micromanaging, although at times, I find myself finding false comfort in planning out the unknown. That's why there should always be a balance between freedom and the Walmart planner. Organize yourself without absolutes while still being true to the course life takes you on.