Everyone procrastinates to some degree; however, a good procrastinator is as rare as a unicorn galloping across Atlantis with Tupac in the saddle. If you’re on the edge of procrastination mastery but can’t quite seem to procrastinate as effectively as the greats, this article’s for you.
Follow these simple steps and you’ll be procrastinating pretty soon; maybe today but probably tomorrow.
1. Don’t schedule anything.
Master procrastinators know that forethought is the enemy of procrastination. In order to avoid participating in upcoming social engagements, assignments, meetings, or plans, try to avoid looking at clocks or talking to other people. If you have a planner or calendar, throw it out or buy one and use it once every few weeks (let’s be honest, planners are all about appearance anyway). Remember, schedules are the bane of your existence. Don’t make one.
2. Be distracted.
Distractions are a procrastinator’s best friend. If you’re typing a massive paper, go to your room or another secluded spot to be alone. Then, when you’ve arrived, open YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other app on your phone and set it by your side to “check later”. If you have a television, open Netflix and set it to run your favorite episodes from your favorite series. If you have a gaming system, even better—turn it on and let it sit on the home screen so you’ll be “ready to play later." The importance of distraction cannot be overstated.
3. Avoid beginning your work.
The terrible thing about any sort of project, assignment, meeting, or job is when you start, the task gets easier. I’ve heard that some people are motivated to complete their task once they’ve set a title page or even made the first PowerPoint slide. Don’t do it. Instead, let your assignment take shape in your mind. Plan out the tiny details of the task, all the way down to the inessentials. That way, by the time you begin your work, you’ll have it all figured out and you won’t run into any problems whatsoever. Trust me, your forethought can account for absolutely every variable that the world can throw at you, any time, any place.
4. Expect change.
Just because you have an assignment today doesn’t mean you’ll have one tomorrow. Maybe your professor will cancel class or throw out the assignment altogether! It’s best to expect massive changes in your schedule or someone else’s life, rather than assuming each day will be normal. Even if you’ve begun the assignment (shame on you), you can still skip over essential parts or overlook small details. No one pays attention to those, so why should you? If you have a gigantic project due tomorrow, assume someone else will pick up your slack or the professor will cancel class. It happens sometimes, so why not today?
5. Wait.
Master procrastinators are some of the toughest people on the planet. Why? These incredible men and women can avoid thinking about an overwhelming sense of dread or despair for days, weeks, months, and even years! Just because there’s an assignment due tomorrow doesn’t mean you can’t watch Netflix for five hours. Grey’s Anatomy won’t be there forever! Just because assignments are specifically designed to show your intellectual ability (as well as your commitment and effort in the professional world) doesn’t mean that they’re vital to your education. Don’t start anything. Wait until the last minute until you begin. Don’t panic.
6. Panic.
Ahh, panic. Master procrastinators are excellent at panicking. They can look stressed, slip in comments about their “massive piles of homework” and “ridiculous professors” into any conversation, yell at their roommates for no particular reason, and blame all their problems on everyone else in the blink of an eye. It takes years of practice in order to become an effective procrastinator. When your assignment deadline hits, your group meets, or your project becomes overdue, start working as hard and as fast as you can. All the motivation you’ve lacked before should come rushing back for an instant, which will motivate you to complete absolutely all the work you’ve been putting off. The adrenaline will help you focus and nail the tiny nuances and details of each and every assignment.
7. Promise to never procrastinate again.
Promises are essential to the everyday procrastinator. If you promise to never procrastinate again, chances are you’ll last for maybe one or two assignments. But every master procrastinator knows that meeting deadlines isn’t as attractive as hanging out with your friends, watching that Netflix show again, or playing a video game until 2 AM. You’ll be back.
