In college, you end up going out with friends sometimes. This is always a lot of fun, but also a lot of work. Especially when you’re a girl. You have to have fun with your friends, deal with annoying people, all while continuing to look good in a sweaty, crowded environment. But if you follow my guide, you’ll have a lovely evening.
Step 1: Sleep
When going out, you have no idea how late you’ll be out and how little sleep you’ll get. So it’s very important to spend the entire day before you go out sleeping. Miss all your classes and disregard any responsibilities you have for the day, including eating. This can all wait.
Step 2: Wake Up and Shower
Whoever you are when you wake up after this full day of hibernation, you must become exactly the opposite of this girl. That means showering and removing every follicle of hair on your body that isn’t on your head because you’re a lady and that’s what you do.
Step 3: Hair and Makeup
Step 4: The Outfit
Now it’s time to get dressed. For this step, I would recommend a pair of jeans and a shirt that can be purchased in the children’s section of your local Target. Dressing like this is really convenient, because you don’t have to worry about your personality getting in the way of all the guys who are going to come talk to you. It helps to throw on a pair of shoes that are impossible to walk in and hurt your feet.
Step 5: The Squad
These are the other ladies that you’ll be traveling with. It’s important to take a ton of pictures with these girls to verify how cute you all look together and how much fun you’re having. You all will make promises to stay together the whole night. Though said promises may very well be broken, the squad is still a key part of going out.
Step 6: Going Out
Wherever you and squad hang out, here are a few tips: stay with your friends, abandon your friends, spend lots of money, get boys to spend lots of money, take embarrassing Snapchats, perform embarrassing bodily motions called dancing, spend a ton of time fixing your hair and makeup, sweat off your makeup and throw your hair up in a bun, scream at your friends for dancing with the guy you like, scream at the DJ to play “Work” by Rihanna and possibly throw up.
Step 7: The Aftermath
If you’re still with squad, you may stop and get food that will ruin any diet you’re on and will possibly make you vomit. These foods include McDonald’s and pizza. Then you will somehow make it back to your room and fall asleep, leaving all of your makeup still on.
Step 8: The Next Morning
You’ll sleep through basically anything.
Step 9: The Next Afternoon
You and your friends will get food and reminisce on the happenings of the previous night. You should enjoy laughing at each other for stupid moves and praising each other for the good ones. You’ll probably all agree that the previous night was a mistake and never want to do it again. You will then begin preparation for the next night out… which means going back to bed (see step one).
