How To Conquer Black Friday Like An Absolute Boss

How To Conquer Black Friday Like An Absolute Boss

Credit card? Check. Shopping list? Check. War paint? Check.

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Let me start out by saying I love Thanksgiving Day. I'm a huge fan of shameless eating plates of food and being with family and then passing out in a food coma afterward. The passing out part is crucial because I have to regain my strength and energy for the real show: Black Friday.

As an outed shopaholic, I thrive on Black Friday. Sure, Cyber Monday is great and online shopping is more convenient, blah, blah, blah. Call me old school but there's nothing like the thrill of waking up at the butt crack of dawn and running around a Christmas decorated mall while "Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 (Instrumental)" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra blares over the mall speakers as you're trying to get the best deals on sweaters and underwear. Malls during Black Friday are practically war zones so allow me, a seasoned soldier, to share a play by play of how to conquer and win the biggest shopping day of the year…

5:00 a.m. — Wake up

Yeah, you heard me. Rise and shine, sugarplum it is time to greet Black Friday and get your rear in gear! No time to shower, you're already behind schedule. Throw on a hoodie and your Uggs and grab a breakfast bar and shotgun a black coffee (to match the spirit of the day) on the way out. (If you're really experienced, you'll make overnight oats to bring with you on the car ride to the stores.) Make sure you have your purse, both your credit and your debit card, extra cash (you never know what'll decline), an inhaler, and any coupons/Groupons/discount codes you may have.

5:30 a.m. — Arrive at first destination

Park in the first parking spot you can get to and book it into the mall. It's go time, soldier.

**PRO-TIP: If you're smart, you'll print out a map of the mall and prioritize what stores you go to first. It helps to make a shopping list if you're doing your holiday shopping early. I ~guess~ it's helpful to budget yourself for today but just remember Black Friday comes only once a year so go ahead and treat yo'self!

5:40 a.m. to 6 a.m. — Store number one

Give yourself 15-20 minutes MAX at each store. Otherwise, you'll never get anything done.

**PRO-TIP Part 2: If you see a sweater at Forever 21 that you like DON'T BUY IT YET. Go to American Eagle and see if there isn't a cuter, cheaper sweater that you can cop. Put all items on hold and make a list of what stores are holding what items. At the end of the spree, go back to each store and make the final purchases so you don't end up buying eight grey sweaters that you just happen to like.

6:03-6:05 a.m. — Snap a pic of Santa in Santa's Corner

You don't have to be in it. Do it for the snap, ya feel?

Repeat until 8 a.m.

Make final purchases! Most malls will wrap your gifts for free so get it done early so you don't have to!

8:30 a.m. — Brunch Time!!

You officially conquered Black Friday so go reward yourself at a cute little brunch place. Good job, soldier.

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13 Summer Struggles Only Thick Girls Understand

Chafing. So much chafing.

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Summer is a lovely time. A time of cookouts, swimming, and sunny weather. But if you're a " thick girl," summer sometimes brings more unpleasantries than it does for slimmer women. No matter how beautiful and confident you are in your body, it can bring some struggles.

1. The living hell that is shorts-shopping

Step 1: Find the biggest size the store has.

Step 2: (If you can even get those on): Realize your stomach is being squeezed into the top, your butt is falling out of the back and your thighs are having the life squished out of them.

Step 3: Realize why winter isn't so bad.

2. And dealing with them even after finding a pair that "fits"

Nothing like taking a pair of shorts home you remember fitting you okay in the store and then walking for 45 seconds and pulling them out of your butt or crotch 17 times. Truly a magical experience.

3. And every bathing suit you try on shows more skin than you'd planned

Even the most conservative bathing suit turns into cleavage-city and a non-cheeky set of bottoms turns into a thong. I promise, older people glaring at me in my sexual bathing suit, I didn't mean for this to happen!

4. Chafing. So much chafing.

No better feeling than four minutes into wearing short shorts realizing that your inner thighs are literally tearing themselves apart. Body Glide and baby powder are a thick girl's No. 1 necessity.

5. Loving rompers. Rompers not loving you.

Rompers are made with short and skinny girls in mind. Heaven forbid you're not short, and heaven forbid you're not skinny. Rompers are like a mystical article of clothing that, no matter what, always just barely doesn't fit.

6. Imagining wearing a sundress with a strapless bra and just laughing

Of course, not all thick girls are well-endowed in the boob department, but if you are, you understand how hilarious the thought of you wearing a strapless bra truly is.

7. And bralettes are a thing of fantasy

Once again, bralettes are designed for a very specific body type. One that I do not fall into.

8. Feeling like you need to constantly defend yourself for dressing like you want to

There are so many posts and tweets and just general ideals that people have that certain sized women can't wear certain clothing. You shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself for wearing a cute crop top or a bikini, but you will.

9. And always feeling looked at when you're rocking your swimsuit

Yes, I see your judging eyes, and yes, they are making me feel like shit. It doesn't matter how confident you are in your body, people looking at you like you just killed somebody just because you're wearing something typically made for smaller women doesn't make you feel good.

10. Did I mention chafing?

I just felt like something so horrible couldn't just be mentioned once.

11. Online shopping for cute summer outfits and then none of them fitting you correctly

There's always the dreaded "one-size-fits-all" for plus-size women. As if there's just one way to be plus-size. No matter how much they promise online that it'll fit well, it won't.

12. Seeing tiny girls complaining about losing their "summer bodies"

So many tweets talking about choosing food over a summer body. So many profile pictures of traditionally skinny women. I'm not saying that thick girls are the only ones who can complain about their summer bodies, and thick girls do not have a monopoly one not feeling confident in their bodies. But it is hard to see those posts knowing that those women would be glorified in their swimwear while you'd be gawked at.

13. The "you go girl!" comments on your oh-so-brave bikini photos

Compliments are nice, and positive comments while wearing a bikini go a long way. But the dreaded "you go girl" comment just seems so condescending. Just treat me like anyone else you'd see wearing a bikini. I promise, I'd like to feel like that.

Cover Image Credit: Sara Petty

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7 Completely Cliché Christmas Gifts College Girls Will Absolutely Love

Trust me, I'm a college student.

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Christmas shopping can be hard and sometimes more stressful than it needs to be. Here are some great ideas for any college student that you wouldn't think they would like, but they would actually love.

1. Office/School Supplies 

I know, it doesn't seem like much, but you can never have too many pens, pencils, notebooks, etc.. PLUS, it's a super cheap and easy gift to give.

2. Gift Cards 

We're college students and we're broke. ANY KIND of gift card is a fantastic idea.

3. Snacks 

College is expensive and everyone loves snacks.

Popcorn, cup of noodles, potato chips, the list goes on and on and on.

4. Fuzzy Socks, Gloves, and Toboggans 

Colleges very rarely cancel classes. It could be a blizzard and you're expected to be there, which makes fuzzy socks, warm gloves, and cozy toboggans a great stocking stuffer.

5. Headphones/Earbuds 

I don't care who you are, this is one of the most lost items you could ever own.

6. Coffees, Teas, Cappuccinos 

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College is filled with sleepless nights, which means any sort of hot beverage becomes your best friend.

7. Blankets 

You can never have too many blankets. I don't care who you are.

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