Being patient and forgiving are both major things that have always been difficult for me. Personally, both of these vices go hand in hand with each other. When things in life are hard, it usually takes me a while to come to my senses and forgive. I know that this is something that I have to get much better with. With my own friends, I see that I tend to get irritated over minuscule things that really should not bother me. To avoid actual conflict, I usually keep these things to myself. But this isn't right at all either. I let things bottle up and over time I find myself isolating myself and yearning to be alone.
Lately, the activity that sounds most intriguing is being in my lonesome, lathering myself in coconut oil, and reading Fitzgerald short stories. This says a lot about how these vices are affecting me and how my lavish need for comfort is ever-growing, doesn't it? There is nothing wrong with this, but I probably should stop distracting myself from my impatience and forgive. The same exact thing tends to happen with my family. I love my family unconditionally. But dually, why do I act this way? Why am I wound so tight? I try to practice meditation and yoga but still at the end of the day I find myself so stressed out I feel that I might actually snap. When my dog has an accident on the floor, I get way too upset about it. Why don't I just pick up the crap, and move on with my day? After all, Charlie doesn't understand why I'm so upset he just relieved himself. How could I be mad at those big eyes and that chocolate chip nose?
The phrase "forgive and forget" has always been extremely hard for me. I know that when monumental things happen in my life, I can't forget. I don't always forgive. I think that I am finally figuring all of this out because of this meditation on these introspective ideas about myself.
This isn't right, and I know that. I know that I need to find some kind of outlet in order to relax. This is crucial for not only myself but for everyone around me. Maybe I need to take more time to teach myself and get to know my own personality. I am always focused on making sure that everyone else is completely fine and happy, but why can't I do the same for myself?
I think the only real way to deal with these emotions is to write. It is extremely cathartic yet I always find excuses not to write at the same time. I think a lot of writers are like this. They know that writing will help ease their minds, yet they can't seem to bring their fingers to the keyboard. These feelings are not something that is just going to go away by wishing on a birthday candle. These vices are positively something that I need to work on through my writing because I know at the end of the day it will benefit me in ways that I can't even imagine. Moving forward I think that more Fitzgerald reading, coconut-oil saturation, and glasses of wine are in order more often. Maybe these somewhat "selfish" activities, can help improve these issues. Not to mention it may help all the other people around me!
Danielle--great! I think I detect the undercurrent of humor here, which I encourage you to surface the next draft (Woody Allen: comedy equals tragedy plus time). The self-deprecating humor is not only winning, as in rapport-building but also shows a degree of overcoming: if we can laugh about it, it's in some sense "past."
