You have to learn how to love yourself before you can love someone else right? Isn't that what all the supportive friends out there say? But said friends usually say this hours after a break-up, when I'm waist-deep in a solid combination of ice cream and tears.

It's almost funny when I find myself in these situations because usually I'm the one giving out the advice; enlightening others to the ever-negative but realistic side of life and how I see it. I was blessed with a witty temperament and a resting bitch face so you better believe I'm going to put them to good use.

I used those times to help others with their problems as a way to distract me from my own. Like growing up, when I always had tons of friends but still wasn't happy with myself. In these times where I constantly rejected myself, so was born a fear of rejection from others. And constant rejection from others created a space in my mind where I told myself I wasn't worthy. My friend group became smaller and so did my confidence. Relationships would end and friendships would end, and the only constant was myself.

So I searched for a connection with others that I could not find innately. A fulfillment, a longing to feel like myself as a person would be acceptable to other humans no matter what. That someone else could see the light in me that I could not.

In order to make those connections with others, trust is imperative. Trust is the word - my friends. I didn't have trust in others because I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust my ability to read people, understand where they were coming from, trust a personal connection or that it was even possible to connect with another person beyond a social level.

While I went on with my life, I portrayed a character in which I did not connect to mentally. I pretended to care about clothes and shoes and vacations, when really I just wanted to figure out how to be okay by myself. I exuded confidence because I couldn't stand how I really felt. I pretended everything was okay, when it was not.

I yearned for friends to give me the attention that I couldn't give myself. The idea was to think happy, live happy - be happy. But how do I do this when I naturally live in a state of constant negativity? I went looking for what I needed from others when I really needed to look at what I needed from myself.

The friends who are meant to be in your life will come, but most of all they will stay. They will help you in the process of learning to love yourself, and what makes it so easy is the fact that they love you too. Loving yourself doesn't come from other people teaching you how to do it - it comes from trial and error (lots of errors probably.) But with these errors you will discover certain things you can change - but hey, don't change everything. You are you for a reason, there is a spot on this Earth for every single different type of person that exists - as soon as I realized that, I knew I would be okay.

Don't get it twisted - I'm still not going to be smiling all the time, and I definitely still wont hug you, but I am a happier person. I found genuine people who support me even when I'm frowning, but most of all I found myself.