Tired.

I am so tired.

In less than a week I have watched two graphic videos of black men killed by police. I’ve scrolled through and seen repeated comments for and against the Black Lives Matter movement. I’ve learned that 137 black people have been killed by the police this year alone.

I watched as the Black Lives Matter movement gained the volume, it deserved at the cost of lives and I watched again as that volume changed drastically at the events in Dallas.

I’m not outraged, angry or ready to fight the good fight for my people.

I’m tired.

When I see proclamations condemning the Black Lives Matter movement or blaming it for the tragic deaths in Dallas on my social media accounts, I don’t feel the usual drive to respond or express my opinion.

When I turn on the news, I don’t keep watching to learn all the facts I can. I turn it off.

When someone ask me how I feel, I don’t want to discuss how I or they feel about the situation.

I just say I’m tired because there’s no other way to describe this.

I feel as if nothing I say or do will make a difference anymore. I feel as if my participation will do nothing to fix what’s going on.

I know that the only way to change this world is to keep speaking up but I guess I’ve seen this continual cycle of black pain and death one too many times.

This isn’t to say that it’s all pointless. It’s not. In order to change the way things are, we have to speak up against it. I fully support the Black Lives Matter movement and I will never stop.

I needed to write this to tell my fellow tired black people to say that it’s okay to feel this way.

It has to be.

We’ve been fighting a long fight. We’ve seen and done too much and gotten too little in return.

It’s okay to be tired.

However, know that by no means are you going to stay this way.