Eating disorders are one of the most fatal psychiatric disorders and they take the life of many people of all ages, shapes, and sizes around the globe. Four out of ten people have struggled with an eating disorder or knows someone who has. I personally struggled my way through one and it was aggressive enough to land me in a hospital bed yet, gentle enough to let me keep living my life. So many people gave me their advice on how I should get over this disease I had. But, their words never really stuck to me. I thought that my eating disorder defined me; I was nothing but a bulimic. It took time, years to be exact, to finally start to understand my body really is my temple. A fallen temple, that I have to rebuild and protect at all costs.
1. I stopped acting like I didn't have an eating disorder.
The first step is admitting you have a problem. I lived my life long lying to myself, acting like I didn't hide my food, or that the blisters on my fingers were from them just being dry. I was in secret for so long, and I wouldn't even own up to the fact that this disease was taking over my life to myself. I was so incapable of admitting it, until I realized my life is more important than how many calories that candy bar had. I owned my eating disorder, told myself, "Yeah I have one", and guess what? It doesn't make me any less of a person.
2. My family needed time to recover too.
They saw me fall apart and it broke them. They deserve their time to recover too. I could hear my mom's heart break when she was told what I was doing to myself, feeling as if she failed at something. I saw something leave my dads eyes as he sat there and thought if there was something he could've done to stop this from happening to me. No parent wants to have a child that doesn't love themselves it hurts them in a way I couldn't imagine. Broken hearts heal, and their's will.
3. I had hope.
I wish I could tell you I woke up one sunny morning and decided, "Hmm, today is the day I'll stop starving myself," or "Today is the day I will stop forcing myself to throw up," but I didn't. As much as I wanted to have the willpower to just let it go, I didn't. Recovery happens over time, sometimes I sat in my room and cried until the pain was gone. I made the choice to hold on, to not lose the hope I had.4. I found my support system.
I made myself believe that I was in this alone, no one knew what I was going through, and that I was just not myself anymore. As soon as my family found out what was happening, they were waiting for me with open arms. My friends held my hands as I went through this recovery and they never let me forget that I am loved and that they are there for me, always.
5. I believed in me. I learned to love me. I am proud of me.
It took me years to get to where I am today, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have a heart that is keeping me alive and for that I am grateful because some people who go through the same disease as I did, don't make it. It took me what felt like forever and a half to finally look in the mirror and see myself and not want to cry because of my reflection. It's honestly one of the best feelings I have ever experienced in my life. I am proud of where I am today, I am proud of how far I have come.
So many boys and girls suffer from an eating disorder every day. If you or anyone you know are struggling with one, please know people are here for you and they love you so much.
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