What would we do without our family? I simply do not know. Maybe: worry less about impressing people, wear what we want, be honest about how we feel... Well, in any case, don't worry, I have got you covered for this week's family event... Thanksgiving:
1. Prep Answers
That's right... prep your answers. You never know when Uncle Joe is going to ask about politics, school (that's right... AGAIN), your plans for the future, etc. So, take some time... the night before (after you plan your Black Friday route), to decipher what you are going to say to all of his questions. ** +1 sip for every time he smiles at an answer... +3 sips for each rebuttal he gives**
2. Ripped. Jeans.
Whatever you do... DO NOT WEAR RIPPED JEANS. You are asking for it if you do. Here are three reasons why you SHOULD NOT:
#1: "Did you get those HALF OFF? hahaha," **rolls eyes**.
#2: "Did you buy them like that or did you trip hahaha?" **rolls eyes**
#3: "You know what, maybe I should get a pair of those... show off my great legs too! hahaha," **rolls eyes**... THANKS AGAIN AUNT SUE FOR RUINING EVERYTHING
3. Set The Table
You'll really impress Nonna with this one, and she will be amazed by how responsible you have become. Also, offering to help set the table will be literally saving yourself from the small talk in the kitchen. A.K.A. the easy way to avoid hearing Aunt Sue brag about her dessert she slaved for weeks over.
4. Ignore the Comments
Trust me, IGNORE the family members comments. It's way easier than fighting about it because believe me, you won’t hear the end of it and Christmas is literally 4 weeks away so it's not even worth it.
5. "How's school going?"
GULP! That's right... every time someone asks, I dare you to take 1 - 3 sips of whatever alcoholic drink you have in hand. Then answer with the same thing you said last time they asked, "Good... yeah it's awesome I love it". Then run away quickly while you continue to chug.
6. "Are you enjoying the college experience though?"
You know the deal, sip again. Then insist school is going great & don’t mention that you think about dropping out daily. NOTE: take another sip every time you think about telling someone you are literally 5 Blackboard assignments away from dropping out... you deserve it.
7. Kid's Table
This one is pure genius... and I don't know why we all didn't think of it sooner. We rush to sit with the adults for literally no reason. For the rest of my life, I swear I will only sit on the kids' side. I mean sure cousin Joey mixing his snot with his mashed potatoes is a little much... but surely its way better than Aunt Sue & Cathy's annoying questions, comments and concerns about you.
8. Survival of the Fittest
Literally... it's about how much you can fit on your plate. Skip to #10 if you are confused with this one. Divide the plate into smaller sections by organizing meat on one side, veggies on the opposite side and potatoes & stuffing in the middle. It is the perfect way to organize & manage your food... plus, this way things that you don't want to touch, won't. #plategoals
9. Portion Control
No, seriously this one is genius. And yes I was hesitant too when I came up with this one. Take a little bit of everything at first, that way you don't get too full on one thing and you can have more of what you really like.
10. Don't Get Fleepy
NOTE: Fleepy: being too full & sleepy resulting in a miserable mood (opposite of hangry). Don't worry there is an easy solution to this... just take a food coma nap! You deserve it! GO YOU, do you see how much you just ate... champions need to rest sometime.
11. Dessert
This one is so easy, EAT them all. Do yourself the favor, have a slice of each pie, try one of each cookie, and you should definitely try whatever the concoction Auntie Sue made... you won't hear the end of it if you don't.
12. YES To Leftovers
This is a no-brainer... Yes, it does suck to carry the sterno pans back to your car after but it will be worth it when 7PM comes around and you need a snack before your pre-Black Friday nap. Also, will come in handy when you take a turkey sandwich to go with your Black Friday shopping at 10PM.
13. Black Friday
Two Words: BLACK. FRIDAY. DUH! It's what we've been waiting for since Halloweekend people. So just survive dinner and you can get there! Target, Ulta, VS... oh my! Let's get this show on the road.... because it is time to shop until we drop. Literally.
