In the world we live in today, social media seemingly finds a way to influence just about anything you can think of. From 24/7 news programs, to viral videos of flipping water bottles, to celebrity gossip, there are so many aspects of modern social media. While there are many positives to social media, there are also some negative sides to it that have completely changed the world. One of the things that social media has made a significant impact on is dating and relationships. Here is my take on why social media has ruined dating.
It is quite obvious that the way dating works now is completely different than how it worked even as recently as 10 years ago. Nowadays, there seems to be more emphasis placed on likes and heart-eye emojis than the actual relationships. I will break this down further in chronological order, starting with the "talking phase" and ending with the post-break up time frame.
"Talking"
Ah, the "talking" phase (I hate this phase). This is a time filled with confusion, optimism and uneasiness. This stage can be initiated in a number of ways, from texting all day everyday, to having a yellow heart on snapchat, to liking all of the other person's tweets; there are endless possibilities. I call this the Bermuda Triangle of dating. You technically are not dating the person, yet you talk to them and care about them beyond what is typical in a normal friendship. The thing with "talking to someone" is that there is no clarity, and one day it could fizzle out and you are left there wondering what you did wrong. When someone is talking to another person, they use this time to really get to know the other person, even if that means doing a little social media digging (yes, the person you last talked to knows all about your beach vacation in 2013.) The "talking" stage has almost completely eradicated asking someone out on a date in person. Before cell phones, people had to do this ridiculously hard thing called talking face-to-face. Guys would spends hours, even days, planning how they would ask a girl on a date. Rehearsing in front of a mirror, making sure every wrinkle was ironed out of their shirt. Nowadays all anyone has to do is text the person. While the convenience is positive, there lacks a personal touch to the process.
Dating
If you have made it to this stage, congrats, you have survived the talking stage. In this day and age, it is highly possible that you have been asked to be someone's significant other over text or on Snapchat. Sadly, this is when social media can rear its ugly head in some relationships. When one starts dating someone the first thing many people do is update all their social media to notify any parties interested in them that they are off limits. From here, comes the typical "relationship goals" pictures, emotional tweets, etc. While these are all great things, this sort of "honeymoon effect" wears off pretty quick. Social media has painted this picture that every relationship needs to be perfect all the time, and if it's not, there shouldn't be one. Gone are the days of working through problems in the relationship just one-on-one with the other person. Nowadays, people would rather subtweet about their problems or angrily vent in a group chat with all their friends, instead of working them out with their significant other.
Another aspect of dating that social media has a heavy influence on is trust. While trusting someone is made up of many more factors than just what happens online, it is definitely a major aspect. If your significant other is constantly Snapchatting someone, even though it may be completely harmless, it has the possibility to affect a person's ability to trust.
The Breakup
This is where social media is usually abused and used for all the wrong reasons. After a breakup, it is normal to have strong emotions about what occurred. Social media platforms are usually a very popular place for people to vent after breaking up with someone, however they also breed negative reactions. There are countless examples of ugly breakups playing out on social media, all it leads to are subtweets and hard feelings that are not healthy.
My Thoughts
Don't mistake my criticism as being a blanket statement that applies to every single relationship out there today. I know there are many positive aspects to social media in relationships, especially long distance and military relationships, that without social media would lack a form of constant communication. I just believe that the true foundations of a healthy relationship aren't found on any app or website, but between the people in the relationship.
I see it happen far too often - one of my female friends upset over some boy that was too afraid of making a commitment to date her so he leads her on into a dead-end relationship. Females are not innocent however, so many girls base their dating patterns on seeking approval from their friends on Instagram. They want to look good for the cameras even if it takes a fake smile to do so.
Treating someone right in the 21st century has now become known as "being whipped" among many social media circles. Why does it have to be considered uncool to treat your significant other right? So many songs and shows depict unhealthy and broken relationships, and try to convey them to the audience as what is normal. There is a reason the divorce rate in America is as high as it is. Nowadays people will run at the first sign of uneasiness because they never worked through previous struggles. Obviously there are more factors than just that, but it seems as if relationships carry less of a weight in the world these days. The words "I have a boyfriend" or "I have a girlfriend" are unfortunately sometimes not enough to deter people from interfering with relationships in the social media era. While social media is not to blame for the reckless actions of some people, I do believe that if social media was used to educate people on how to behave properly and treat others right, it would have a monumental impact on the quality of relationships.
Instead of creating new hashtags and Snapchat filters celebrating "National Kissing Day", lets make things like handwritten letters, sending flowers, holding the car door open for someone and treating people right popular trends again. In this day and age so many of us are more concerned about what happens on a screen than we are with how we treat other people. Yeah, my opinions on this matter may be "old-fashioned" and seem outdated, and I don't expect everyone to act like we are in the 1950's when it comes to dating. However, I strongly believe that chivalry is alive and well, we just need to teach people how to use it and appreciate it. I don't want anyone to think I'm some relationship saint. I've fallen victim to the trap social media plays on relationships too. However, what has set me apart is that I have learned from it and grown from it. Let's stop focusing on likes and retweets, and start focusing on the things that really matter.
