Each year, UCLA hosts the biggest physical disaster to your legs and stamina in the Western Coast of the United States. If you have ever been on Bruin Walk, or your brain has the cognitive capacity to interpret neon green, you know that this physical disaster goes by the name "Dance Marathon." But all joking aside, Dance Marathon is the greatest event of the year, and besides being one of your greatest college memories, it helps countless children afflicted with a terrible disease. There is no question of whether you should participate, whether dancing or moraling. However, as dancing for 26 hours straight can be a bit difficult, here are a few tips to get yourself adequately prepared.

1. Replace your legs with giant stalks of frozen broccoli.

The first rule of Dance Marathon is simple; don't sit down. Although not exactly a mindwarp to figure out, at times, this can be physically grueling. There will be times when you will want to tear your legs out, beat everyone you see over the head with them, and tie your bleeding, frustrated torso to the ground with tightly wound cables. This struggle can be easily avoided if you replace your legs with giant stalks of frozen broccoli, which can withstand 26 hours of standing with ease.

2. Drink copious amounts of water until your brain is so waterlogged that it no longer has a conception of time.

Ask anyone who has danced in Dance Marathon before, and they will tell you to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! Hydrate to live, and live to hydrate. Hydrate to a point where you are drinking gallons of water per hour the week before you dance. This will give you the advantage of literally drowning your brain until it no longer has any perception of time. The 26 hours will just fly by!

3. Familiarize yourself with underground hipster UCLA bands so that you can seem in the loop when you know who they are when they perform.

Nothing is cooler or hotter than knowing a local, hot, underground band. Don't be that guy or gal who is completely unfamiliar with the band who played that one bar in Hollywood and in Kerckhoff three times. When you see a bearded college student on the stage with a mandolin, you better know who that goddamned is. “You didn't go to their show during 10th week fall quarter when they totally rocked Sunset Rec?" is what they will all say to you. Don't. Be. That. Person. And if you are going to be that person, just say, “You see that bass player? He plays really good bass," to gain the approving nods of your sweaty peers.

4. Speak only the color of your team name for the week leading up to Dance Marathon to earn points toward Color Wars!

There is a secret way to get your team extra points for Dance Marathon. If you speak only the color of your team name in the week leading up to Dance Marathon, you can earn crazy amounts of points for your team. Maybe even enough to push your team to victory. Some may find it off-putting at first, going up to your TA after class and saying, “Orange! Orange orange orange. Orange, orange, orange. Orange orange orange orange? Orange. Orange. Orange orange!" but trust me, helping your team win is well worth it.

5. Ask Chipotle to sponsor you. When they say no, replace all their tortilla chips with nicotine patches and write, “The time is coming...or is it already here?" on their wall with their own salsa.

The dancing is important, but it's mostly symbolic. The real importance comes from your fundraising, which actually affects the children, and the best way to do that is having a company sponsor you. For instance, you could ask Chipotle if they wanted to give 80 percent of their sales to your DM account for one week. They will say no, but if, on the night you ask them, you replace all of their tortilla chips with nicotine patches and write, “The time is coming...or is it already here?" on their wall with their own pico de gallo, they will be so frightened by your very unstable mind that they will feel like they have no choice but to concede. You will definitely be the top fundraiser for your team!

6. Write a letter, on stationary, to the Queen of England asking her for luck in your quest to fight disease.

Some people say that this is just a superstitious, old-fashioned tradition. But not me. Whenever you are raising money to fight a terrible disease, I think it's in bad taste to NOT write a letter to the Queen of England asking her for luck. I'm not saying modernism is bad, and yes, science has achieved great things. But we all need a little luck from the Queen once in a while. We could all use a dash of Elizabeth's good charm.

7. Burn all the photos of you from prom. You are no longer that dancer anymore.

Prom was likely one of the most important memories for you in high school, whether good or bad. But it doesn't matter anymore. You have to eliminate all memory of the you at your high school prom. You are no longer that 17-year-old kid grinding with Kelly in the big gymnasium to Ke$ha and Pitbull. You can not let that version of you hold you down. You are the majestic phoenix of the dance. You are the graceful, beautiful, elegant, athletic DEITY of the dance. You... ARE the dance. Your swift elegance make swans and perfume models want to combust into flames of pitiful, jealous shame. Forget about your high school dancing self. You are something new.

8. Run a real marathon the day before Dance Marathon.

If you have never done Dance Marathon before, you will soon be familiar with the day-before jitters. You won't know what you should do to best prepare yourself physically. Sleep? Gym? Find true love only to discover that love is not a linear, immutable concept, but rather an always-changing process which depends on situational contexts and a complex array of different and confusing desires? I can tell you that the best prepared people will be running marathons the day before Dance Marathon. Who do you think will be better prepared for a whole marathon of dancing? Someone who sat in their room, quietly weeping to the end of “A Bug's Life," shoveling stale Cheetos into their mouth, or someone who is literally in “Marathon Mode," preparing themselves for a marathon by practicing with a marathon? Definitely the latter. Get yourself signed up and tie up those running shoes!

9. Orange.

Orange orange orange orange orange orange orange orange orange orange orange orange.