Do not think about the way he says your name. This should be self-explanatory. When you think of the way he says your name, you feel special, and feeling special is the last thing you need. Feeling special leads to wishful thinking, which leads to delusion, and no good has ever come from delusion. But if you must think about the way he says your name, do not think about the way he seems to add a letter. Do not think this is anything more than an accent from a region from the United States that you are not from. That is all that it is. It is not cute or sweet or evidence that you belonged together in another life. It’s just a voice. It’s just your name.

Do not smile when he pays you a compliment. Smiling is not only a sign of weakness in the wild; it is also permission for him to compliment you again. Compliments encourage you to think outside the box when in fact, you should be thinking inside those very small dimensions. Going outside those boundaries would be to play a very dangerous game, and you do not take such risks no matter how calculated. After all, you are not good at math. Just don’t smile when he tells you that you’re funny or smart or interesting or any of those go-to compliments men use. He’s just being honest. If you smile, he’ll do it again, and you’ll start to assume things you know can’t be true. But if you insist on smiling because you’re polite or something, smile big. The demure, coquettish smile is body language most obvious, and you don’t want him to think of you as a strange creature or as a creature at all. That would be unhealthy.

Do not think of him when the music is on. Any music at all, it is better if you keep him far away from your heart and mind. If you think the love songs are starting to make sense, you are wrong. When the ballad in your ears reminds you, “Oh, how you want it, you’re begging for it, but you can’t have it, even if you try…” shut him out of your sights. The minute you picture his face to a dreamy, background score is the minute you’ve gone too far. You can’t afford to go that far again. In the past, you’ve walked out too far and found you were up to your neck in harmonies, melodies, and terrible wishes. Close your eyes and picture something unsavory when the music on, such as a cockroach or a swamp. Eventually, you will become conditioned.

Avoid speaking directly to him as often as possible. This is for two reasons. First, when you speak to him, it’s like you can do magic. Of course, this is not in an ethereal, teenage supernatural soap opera way. It’s in the way that you can go from a charming, witty socialite to a charmless, plastic fern. Even if he’s unattainable, you still want to avoid embarrassment as often as possible. No one blames you. Second, when you speak to him, you eat up his every word like you’ll starve if you don’t. It gives you more fuel; more reason to think you could love him, and that is the opposite of what you need right now. They’re just words. He’s just a man.

Whatever you do, do not think of him when the sun goes down. This, plus an egg or two, is a recipe for sheer disaster. Before you know it, apples will start to sound more appealing than they ever have, and that is not something you need to complicate your life with. Think of him only when the sun is out and/or it is socially acceptable and expected to be awake. Better yet, just don’t think of him at all. Some people have prayers, and none of those people are you.

Follow these simple rules, and you will not fall in love with an unattainable man. They’re foolproof. We promise.