11:00 PM: Realize your life is slowly spiraling out of control.
11:05 PM: No! You do have control over your life!!! Deep breaths.
11:07 PM: Nope. Definitely no control. Isn’t there ice cream in the freezer?
11:09 PM: Tastes like freezer burn and sadness.
11:32 PM: As the ice cream churns in your stomach, you begin to feel guilty. No one should rely on such deliciousness to make themselves feel better. Tomorrow, you will eat healthy. It won’t be a diet, per se, but YOU are going to eat healthy. You can do it. You’ve been prepped for this your entire life.
7:45 AM: Ugh. Waking up in the morning is such a pain. Good thing you’re about to have an incredible breakfast??
7:56 AM: Yum. Yogurt. You forgot how much you hate yogurt. It’s soured, curdled…disgustingness placed in a small container with pieces of fruit to trick you into thinking that it’s mildly good. Thank God for that granola in the pantry.
12:00 PM: Lunch break! Look at you, hotshot. You already feel better after eating that incredibly delightful morning meal. Now you’re going to have a salad with only half the ranch dressing packet. Holy crap, they should make you a spokesperson for some weight loss program because you are on a roll!
12:13 PM: “Hi, it’s Paige here, and I would like you tell you about my story of eating healthy. After following these few steps, you’re going to feel better than ever!” Does that sound too fake? Maybe you should start a little more casual: “Hey folks, it’s Paige-“
5:20 PM: Dinner will be ready soon (can someone say chicken and green beans?!) but, God, you’re starving. You need a quick fix to tide you over.
5:21 PM: Mm, mm, mm. Potato chips.
5:25 PM: WHERE DID ALL THE CHIPS GO THERE WAS PRACTICALLY A FULL BAG?
5:50 PM: Eat your dinner and pretend the potato chip debacle never happened. Shhhh.
8:40 PM: OH NO. You’ve just recalled the chocolate cake you bought two days ago because it was a Tuesday and you felt that you deserved to celebrate for making it that far into the week. It would be the perfect way to finish your evening. Must remain strong. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.
8:56 PM: It’s was only a small slice. It doesn’t count.
11:30 PM: Look at you, champ! You had a great day. Remember that yogurt you ate in the morning? Chyeah, that was a great way to start your healthtastic day. Sure, there were a few mistakes along the way, but overall, you were one healthy weirdo. You should that again tomorrow!!!
