Jesus himself could have looked me straight in my face and told me during my senior year of high school that I was soon going to experience a heart break and that I would need thousands of Kleenex boxes and I probably would not have believed him. I had never been heartbroken before and I was positive that it would never EVER happen to me. I was the type of girl that if I knew I was about to be dumped, I would end things before they could. Smart right? Actually no. As I look back at all the relationships I ended and all the people I hurt, I wish I would have done things differently.
Fast forward to my freshmen year of college. I was single but not looking to date anyone. I truly was excited to meet more people, make new friends, and just have fun. Well, that lasted all of about two weeks and then I "fell in love!" I thought to myself, he lives 5 hours away so I would still be able to hang with my friends and have a good time at college. That also did not last very long either. I drove just about every weekend to see him, my school work was pushed to the side and so were my friends and family.
I was in T-TOTAL LOVE!!!!! I thought he was perfect for me and I just knew that we would be together forever. We had been together for about a year when we started talking about the possibility of getting married after college and at the time It seemed practical and logical. I mean I knew my parents would most likely freak out but I thought maybe I could talk them over.
Needless to say I never had to have that conversation with my parents. He broke my heart. Like straight snapped my heart in two pieces. The girl who had never had her heart broken before, now cries herself to sleep every single night. Most nights were so bad I even found myself having to sleep with a friend so I wouldn't stay up all night crying. I prayed the pain would go away. I was angry and hurt and I can remember trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I was not good enough for him. I asked God why over and over again and I would never get an answer.
The next couple of months were hard, but I surrounded myself with friends and my family and it honestly made a world of difference. The days seemed to go by so much faster when I had more to do so I began running (this is now a stress reliever for me) and studying more. I began to see an improvement within myself and could see the light coming back out again. God placed people in my life at that time that I knew were sent by him. I became involved with a student ministry called the BCM and that is where I grew.
I had grown up in a christian home where my parents taught me about Jesus and the Bible. We were taught to pray before every meal, put God above all things, love Jesus with all of our hearts, and to obey him by reading our bible and by following his commandments. But one thing they could not teach me was how to have a relationship with him. I mean of course they could show us how they have a relationship with the Lord, but it never really clicked with me until my freshmen year of college, at my lowest place, when I realized that, man... I really was messed up and broken. It was then God started changing me. I was not bitter anymore I was joyful. I was not lonely, I was surrounded with love. I was confident in who I was in Christ and that was all that mattered. I did not get over my heart break on my own. Jesus carried me. All the way until I could walk again.
After some time at the BCM, joining the dance team, making so many new friends, I felt the need to move. Like God was calling me to a different school. I was not sure why, all I knew was that I was comfortable where I was at and that this school was close to home. I did not want to go anywhere. The urge got stronger. The more I read his word, the more I felt called to leave. So I decided to look into a school that I originally wanted to go to but never did because it was too big and too far from home. To make a long story short, I sent in an admission letter and shortly after I was accepted.
So I began packing up my things that summer, changed where I went to school on FaceBook, and at this point I was freaking out. I was about to move to a city that I did not know much about nor did I know anyone at all (not even my soon-to-be roommates). For a little while i thought it was the biggest mistake. This was my junior year of college, I was single, (been single for about a year and a half now and happy about it- 100% okay being single) and I was just scared to be honest.
It was right before school started, end of July, when I received a notification from FaceBook messenger. It was from a guy that I knew from my previous boyfriend. They played baseball together and so I knew who he was but not sure why he would be messaging me. To be honest at first I was angry. I was thinking it had to do with my ex. I was going to delete the message, but instead out of curiosity I decided to open it. It read, "You are going to Louisiana Tech in the fall?" I wanted to reply and say nawwwww, it just says that in my bio dude. But I didn't, I was nice and replied back yes. Well what would you know that he had just signed a scholarship to come play at the same school I was transferring to. He talked about how nervous he was about moving out of state but knew this was the best decision for his baseball career. It was crazy how similar we felt about moving to a new school.
That simple question lead to a first date, which lead to a second date, which lead to him asking me to be his girlfriend ( I said no in fear of getting my heart broke again), which lead to a couple of more dates and then me asking him to be my boyfriend. I prayed so hard about this decision to date him. I wanted it to be of God, not my fleshly human desire to be with him. If there was one sign, I prayed, I would drop him. But he was sooo sweet. When I talked he listened. When he saw me, he told me I was beautiful. He prayed for me and with him I felt myself growing in my relationship with Jesus. He was making me a better person. He inspired me.
This young man eventually got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife and of course I said HECK YES!!! We just celebrated 4 months of marriage yesterday and I could not be happier!
I wanted to share this story with you to assure you that God's plan and timing for your life is far greater than your own. I know it is easy to feel discouraged when you have prayed about things so much and never get answers. I've been through that, but I am here to tell you that God is faithful. I never saw it, I never felt it, but he was working the entire time. When God answered my prayers, the feeling I felt was only a fraction of what he'd been planning for my upcoming future. I want to encourage you to not spend time dwelling over a break up. I know it hurts, but you will not remember the ping from the pain. All those helpless tears and all the hours you spend pining, will be hours you wish you could get back. You will understand one day and you will be grateful for that heart break. You will look back and marvel at how God lead you to where you are. Holding hands with my husband across our kitchen counter and having someone look at me the way he does makes all the time that I spent hurt worth it, 100%.
Jeremiah 29:11
