Making Myself Available To Everyone -All The Time- Was A Silent Killer
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Making Myself Available To Everyone -All The Time- Was A Silent Killer

In my mind, I was being a good friend.

Making Myself Available To Everyone -All The Time- Was A Silent Killer

I wouldn't say I'm a people-pleaser; I'm not a yes-man, or even afraid to disappoint people. However, I am definitely a person who wants to be available to people whenever they need me. It may sound contradictory, but being a people-pleaser is a person who finds their affirmation in making people happy, whereas being available to everyone is more about making sure everyone has someone to share their life with.

Whether you're going through a break-up, just failed a test, or even want to celebrate that new job you just got, I'm that person who's available to everyone else. I like to keep an open schedule because you never know when someone is going to need you. Even in terms of relationships, I always wanted to make sure I was there for my boyfriend after a long day at work, after a hard practice, or for an adventurous road trip.

I'm the kind of person who wants to be available and clear my schedule when you need me. But over time I realized the unhealthy habits I was creating were making me lose myself as a person. Sure I'd love to plan for a beach weekend in a couple of weeks, but what if someone needs me? What if that weekend is the weekend that will cause more stress because I'm not there for everyone?

I stopped planning a schedule for things to do for myself and started preparing for everyone else. As time went on, I became full of resentment; I was angry and unappreciated. I kept my day open for someone who had no interest in my life and only called on me when she needed something. That's when you have to have enough self-respect to cut off that friendship or relationship.

While I am relearning how to live my life for myself while also being there for people, I have found much more purpose. A quote in "Present Over Perfect" by Shauna Niequist, cut deep into my heart, "What you need along the way: a sense of God's deep, unconditional love, and a strong sense of your own purpose. Without those two, you'll need from people what is only God's to give, and you'll give up on your larger purpose in order to fulfill smaller purposes or other people's purposes." I lost my purpose because I was so busy staying available, rearranging my schedule in order for everyone to feel like they had someone.

I am happy to say that I have found a greater balance between being a good friend and still doing things I love. I learned the importance of sticking with my schedule while still being able to find time for friends that need me. The most important thing is to keep your purpose. Never lose sight of what your purpose is because as soon as you do, you can feel yourself going in the wrong direction and as you keep going, you keep digging the hole. Living out your purpose and not being available all the time doesn't make you a bad friend, it makes you human and a smart one at that. There will always be down-time to get coffee with friends and go on adventures with your boyfriend, but don't let yourself get lost in thinking that you need to be there for everyone all of the time.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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