Over the course of four years, I have watched myself transform from a timid, naive girl into a confident, strong woman. I know I would not be the person I am today without enduring every hardship and success of high school. By no means was high school a breeze--as I assumed it would be--but I have gained vital life lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. High school chewed me up and spit me out (to put it nicely), yet it also consoled me and held my hand through my darkest times. Would I repeat high school? Absolutely not. Am I upset it is over? Definitely. It is during this time in quarantine that I have come to assess my high school career, gaining new insight along the way.

I genuinely believed that we would all be going back to school. On my last 'official' day of high school, I didn't even go to school for the full day, which is something I will always regret. I assumed this pandemic was just a joke--something that was outstretched by the media--and that ordinary life would return within weeks. It has now been almost two months, and I fear life will not return to normal by fall. Although I have endured several emotions throughout this experience, I have become bitter; My school year was officially cancelled. I assumed that we would not be returning to school, but the fact that it has become a reality has taken a toll on me. For four years, I have looked up to the seniors and admired their 'end of high school' adventures. Now, I am angry because I feel as if we were robbed.

Many have sympathized with the Class of 2020, but it is a bittersweet reaction for me; No one truly understands what our grade is going through, besides those who are suffering with me. Schools have attempted to give us our end of year activities, despite our unfortunate circumstances, yet I do not necessarily want them. I am not being stubborn; I feel as if this time frame--the end of senior year--is the only 'appropriate' time to experience these events. In a way, I do not want any event to be postponed, I rather they just be cancelled. Once high school is over (which is usually May/June), I rather not try to make something happen in July/August, since I should be focusing on my next chapter: college.

I have come to terms with what has happened. I did not get to enjoy my last Black and White Week picnic, a Bishop Eustace tradition; I did not get to go to Disney for our Senior Trip; I will not get my college shirt day; I will not get my lacrosse senior night; I will not get the PROPER last day of senior year, in which teachers/students get to write on our uniform shirts; I will not get to go to Italy after graduation, something I have been preparing for since last summer. I will probably have some sort of virtual graduation, and as of right now prom is up in the air. Most importantly, I did not even get a proper goodbye to my classmates, teachers, coaches, and even high school itself. Once life returns to normal, I will be jealous of the underclassmen who get to experience these events. Thus, for any underclassmen reading this, please be appreciative that you were lucky enough to enjoy these 'end of senior year' activities.

I have discovered that high school, and even senior year, are not like the movies. There has been heartache, drama, and battles that no one may fully understand, yet there has also been joy, excitement, and success. Since my time at Bishop Eustace Preparatory School has been cut short, I have become numb to the pain. I would not want to change anything about my high school career...I would endure the good, bad, ugly, chaotic, beautiful mess all over again. Furthermore, my numbness enabled me to feel grateful; As Winnie the Pooh has said, "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." The outbreak of corona has affected me so much, because I am missing all of the good times I shared--whether it was on the field, in the classrooms, or on the weekends. I have met my best friends--people I know I will remain close with for the rest of my life--yet also faced bullies; I have formed connections with teachers who truly impacted me, in ways I can never repay them for; I have learned what it takes to achieve a goal with my teammates and coaches, who I will never get to share the field with again. So to anyone I have encountered through high school--both good and bad--I want to say thank you...Thank you for shaping me into someone I am proud of, and even more so, someone who gets to look back on her high school career and smile.