How I Lost A Part Of Myself When I Became A Military Wife

How I Lost A Part Of Myself When I Became A Military Wife

We have long passed the era where women are expected to stay at home and play the role of dutiful wife.

How I Lost A Part Of Myself When I Became A Military Wife

For as long as I can remember, I was taught the value of being able to hold my own in life. My parents wanted me to go out into the world without having to constantly need assistance. I was shown the value of independence by two hard-working parents who made sure no matter the situation, there was food on the table, clean clothes on our backs and a roof over our heads. I learned that I had to work for what I wanted in life and that nothing is ever handed to you. A common phrase I heard growing up was nothing in life is free. I lived by that phrase. From school age to the point of my enlistment into the United States Air Force, I worked for every single thing I had.

Even when there were times when I was almost desperate enough to ask for financial assistance from my parents, I never did. Be it the pride or the way I was brought up, I never could stomach asking for help. I always managed to find a way.

For the six years, I was in the military, I was accustomed to earning a paycheck every two weeks. I loved making my own money, being able to provide for myself and my family. I felt like I had a purpose. I felt useful.

In 2013, I separated from the military and married my now husband, Robert. He is currently serving in the Air Force and is the main provider for our family.

Photo of Yahaira and Robert Seawright as they promise to love and honor each other until deathYahaira Seawright

My plan upon separation was to finish school and find a career in the field I was studying. At the time, it was Sports Management. I wanted to become a personal trainer and possibly build on nutrition. Instead of working, I pursued my Bachelor's degree in the Sports Management field. I was able to contribute to the family with the little I received from the Veteran's Education program as well as taking care of my daughter. I still had a purpose.

Throughout the six years of being married, I went from being a stay at home mom, to being a California Highway Patrol Officer, to working in the Middle East, pursuing a Master's degree, back to stay at home mom, and now living in Italy.

I would be lying if I said being married to a military member did not have its downside. There are so many good things that come from sharing your life with a person who has promised to protect and serve for their country. You have the knowledge that your spouse is brave and selfless. You have a new perspective when it comes to wartime because you live with the constant dread that your spouse will have to lay down their life for their country. There is the experience of travel if you are so fortunate to get orders to an international location (although there are cons to that as well). You appreciate all those who currently serve or have served because of the sacrifice they willingly make when they raise their right hand.

There are challenges that come with the territory and I know not all spouses will agree with me. This is my own perspective of being a military spouse.

Since I separated from the military and became dependent, I felt lost. I felt that need for another person's help, even if that person was my husband. I hated that need. I hated having to literally depend on someone else for survival. What made it even worse was the title we are dubbed: dependent. Even the title says I have to depend on my spouse now. Military spouses everywhere, I know that's not the intent of the term! It is just the way that I viewed it.

Depending on another was something I wasn't used to.

For a while in our marriage, I felt lost. I fell into a rut. I lost my drive to be someone. I had this military experience. I even was a state police officer! I had these dreams to become someone great. Somehow, I found myself just going through the motions. Something was missing for me. I had a husband who loves me and two adorable children. However, it was like I was in trance.

I fell into a sadness and emptiness that zapped up my drive.

It does not make it any easier when part of the commitment you make when joining the military is the unpredictability; the constant moving to wherever the mission requires for you to go. This challenge makes me trying to find myself, find what I want to be, even more difficult because I cannot find stability.

I knew something had to change in order for me to find that clarity and self-worth I sought.

I knew the military wasn't going to change. What needed to change was me.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B just dropped the hottest summer single yet. It's called "WAP" and we're going to get into all the intoxicating lyrics.

This song empowers females and their sexuality. These women put the ridiculous music industry female beef to bed, and I mean tucked away in a coma.

Keep Reading... Show less

How To Write Down The Holy Grail Recipe Everyone Begs You To Make

Because everyone has a signature cocktail, cake, or pasta they bring to every potluck.


From back when I used to bring my mom's classic white chocolate chip cookies to preschool on my birthday to now stirring up my signature tequila cocktails at every friends' barbecue, I've always had a couple of standby recipes in my culinary rotation.

Keep Reading... Show less

Meet My Cat: Cheshire, The Stray Turned House Cat Who Lives in Michigan

I never considered myself a cat person, but Chess immediately stole my heart.

Madelyn Darbonne

In 2016, a stray cat gave birth to a litter of three grey kittens on my aunt and uncle's property. I had never considered myself to be much of a cat person, but these furballs immediately stole my heart. I got to watch them grow up until they were old enough to leave their mother's side.

Keep Reading... Show less

How To Binge-Watch A TV Show —And Then Write A Review About It

Writing your favorite and least favorite things about a show could not be more fun.

Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash

Looking for a new show to binge? Stop scrolling through your options and listen.

Sometimes a good show doesn't come down to the genre or the actors involved, it comes down to the fact that it is simply a GOOD show. If any of these things sound appealing to you, you should definitely watch.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less

I've been bleaching my hair since I was in seventh grade. Yes, you read that correctly, seventh grade. That's nearly 10 years of maintaining a very light shade of blonde that too-often brings about dryness and brittle strands.

Keep Reading... Show less

Chances are if you're here, you're probably interested in writing an open letter. Yay! We're excited to have you.

Of course, not all open letters are created equal. In fact, there's a recipe to writing one for Odyssey that'll get featured on one of our many verticals. When it comes to Swoon specifically (for those new around here, that's our dating and relationships vertical), we receive dozens of open letters each month, many of which are all very similar.

Keep Reading... Show less

With a new phone comes great responsibility: Do not break it! And the best way to do that is with a case. However, picking a case can be a challenge. No need to fret, I am here to help break down some of the best cases for the new iPhone SE 2020. Honestly, I think it's going to be impossible to choose!

Keep Reading... Show less

To some who have been out of the dating world for a while, it can be hard to get back into the swing of things after being single for some time. So, I asked 26 people what they think is important to know before looking for love again, here's what they had to say.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments