I feel very depressed right now. After checking Facebook this morning, I learned of an unthinkable betrayal. Yet another of my childhood cronies went and did the horrific: he got himself mired in a relationship. How could he?!
Perhaps I'm the only one who remembers the good ole days of brotherly bonds and laughing at the futility of romance. We all viewed it as something that would happen to other, lesser men. Men who were stupid enough to be fooled into giving up the bachelor lifestyle for no good reason!
Not us! No, we were the ones who would enjoy freedom, manly friendship, and the ability to burp uncorrected at the dinner table for the rest of our lives, unburdened by the costly constraints of lovey-dovey stuff. Valentine's Day would roll around and we'd all get together, playing cards and cracking jokes about the sad-saps who had to spend money on flowers and whatnot, all to impress a girl. Clearly, the poor (pun intended) suckers had lost their minds.
Instead of flowers and sappy nothings, brotherhood was our goal. To forever belong to a band as manly and tight-knit as Robin Hood's own merry men was the dream we all had, sharing our adventures, fighting our enemies in a most heroic manner, and, of course, disdaining all feminine influence.
Throughout our high school careers, we kept up this glorious tradition, never once questioning our motto; "Bros before..." well, you know. But when college rolled around, the majority of us split up and headed our own ways. We kept in contact, of course, meeting together every chance we had during our all-too-short vacations. Then it started happening.
I remember the first time a friend said he couldn't make it to one of our gatherings. Naturally, the rest of us assumed that his mother must have died and immediately started to send our condolences. Imagine our shock and sense of betrayal when he told us the reason he couldn't make it was...oh, the horror even now!
One by one, my friends, my comrades, my brothers-in-arms started deciding that a beautiful girl wearing perfume was somehow preferable to a group of guys who forgot to put on deodorant that morning. Mumbling their own pitiful excuses, they would leave our fellowship, never to return.
And now I am the last. Here I stand, alone, holding onto the principles for which we all once fought! Freedom, brotherhood, the pursuit of...um...
Sorry, I got distracted there. The most gorgeous redhead I've ever seen in my life just walked in and started talking to me. We're going to meet later for coffee as she's evidently new here, single, loves The Lord of the Rings, and...
Oh crap.
