First off, no one is perfect. I generally understand that, but striving for perfection is good, right? Sure, but what about the numerous times I was let down because life happened and things didn’t turn out so perfect? That feeling, and those times in my life, have felt pretty crappy, and I cursed myself for even believing a situation could be perfect. I have come to the realization that my ways of wanting perfection in certain things will never change, but the way I handle my reaction and how I cope with disappointment can.
So here's how I cope with being an imperfect perfectionist.
1. Acceptance.
You are not God, a superhero or Blake Lively. Things will be imperfect and that’s OK. The first and simplest thing to understand while being a perfectionist is that nothing is ever perfect. You can strive for the rest of your life, and nothing will ever be perfect. No one is expecting perfection out of a human being. Mistakes will always be made and are generally OK. Learning to be OK with not being OK is probably one of the hardest things to do, but you must. Accepting your loss and moving on is about the only thing you can do at this point. But, again, that’s OK!
2. Redefine failure.
I have never been a poor student, a troublesome child or a mean person, but yet I still define my actions as a failure. An A- is more than OK, and it’s OK to stay out until 4 a.m., eating gas station donuts and listening to *NSYNC. Because that's life, and that's what’s real. Being perfect isn’t real. Striving for perfection is a goal that was set in my mind from when I was young, but it's not real. So live life, and redefine your meaning of failure, because I guarantee there are plenty of people in this world that would love to be in your position right now.
3. Life isn't a competition.
I'm a very competitive person who gets jealous very easily. I had to learn that there are many people in this world who view life in a completely different manner. They don’t see getting good grades as a competition, and good enough is more than enough. That has never set right with me -- I strive to be my best and to be the best. Though that's a fine model to live by, what did I give up in the process? I gave up living and I gave up building relationships and making memories. I gave up what it means to be human. Life is not a competition. You don’t always have to win.
4. Rejection is growth.
I think my ultimate fear in life is not being enough -- not doing everything in my ability to make sure I am enough. I need to work hard in college to make sure I am more than enough to get a job. I need to be a good person to make sure I am more than good enough to be a friend. The list could go on for an eternity, because not being enough is terrifying. I have been rejected for plenty of jobs, scholarships, positions, etc. I have always hated the feeling, but no matter how hard I try, I continue to face rejection. This is when I began to understand that rejection is OK. If I get rejected, I believe I failed. In the real world, I just got told that whatever I got rejected from wasn’t for me, or I need to put in more effort. Every single time, I learned and I grew from being rejected. That’s the only thing I could ever ask of myself. I strive to be a perfect human being just to fail, and I realize there is no such thing.
At the end of any given day, a perfectionist will most likely reflect on the day’s wins and the day’s losses. Meaning, I will stop and ponder what went right, but mostly worry about what went wrong. If I didn’t get the grade that I wanted on a test, or I didn’t handle a certain situation correctly, I will dwell and pout because I wasn’t perfect. Knowing how to cope in those moments is vital to me living a good life as an imperfect perfectionist. I have learned that all I can ask of myself is to better. Not to be perfect, but to be better. Usually, with that mentality, I am more than enough. Some might even say close to perfect.
