House of Cards

My faith is a house of cards. I build it up so slowly and carefully—precisely. It was all so neat and it stood so tall! I was so proud of it—boasted of it. Then in a second God’s breath blew it away. Actually, it rather felt like it was slammed down. Then I cried out why, why!—like a child. The real question I should be asking, is why on earth did I ever use such weakness to build my faith? Why did I use paper when I should of use brick, no, diamond! Yet I feel that I have built this house so many times with weaker material than I should of—and God is just trying to show me that. However, I cannot help but ask why do you destroy with such force? Is there no gentleness in your arm? Why is that I feel utterly wrecked upon by you? A simple letter would do—no need for this bashing and pushing upon my life! But, isn’t that what we all wish for? A gentle god—one who will whisper softly into our lives oh dear child this isn’t what is best for you, let me show you. That surely has more love in it than the wrecking of our lives that God contributes to so much. But what if there is far more love than we ever imagined when He sweeps our house away? It may look or rather feel more violent, and therefore more cruel, but what would any parent do if their child was running towards something dangerous—like into a street. Yes, dangerous, dangerous in regards to our faith. Would a parent just stand by? Would they tenderly say oh sweetheart watch out for the car that is coming?—I would hope not. I would hope for them to run to the child and sweep them up—if need be—violently—so that they might be saved. Perhaps this is a flawed analogy. For, in all honesty, I am still feeling that God is more cruel (or maybe I should say “harsh” now). Then again, perhaps my thinking is flawed. For if we could ever pin-point how God teaches or behaves towards his children—then he wouldn’t be such an awesome God. If we completely knew God, we would have to gods ourselves. How could we be gods? How dare we think that? What god has a foundation built out of cards?

I could be dreadfully wrong, but, I cannot help but compare this idea to the parable of the two men, one who built his house upon the sand and the other who built his upon the rock. Two things to note about this parable. One there was a storm that tested each house. The other note, one's material was stronger than the other. Why would God test each man by sending a storm--I do not know. God, in his omnipotence, has no need of 'experimenting', he knows all the results. Perhaps, it is, indeed for us. The sweeping the house of cards, the wrecking of the weaker house are all for us, even though they feel against us. Forgive me for drawing out the metaphor. Let me speak clearly. Why would God 'test' our faith if he already knows how strong it is? Surely then, if He knows, it cannot be for Him. So, therefore, in some way, whether we agree with or not, it must be for us. I cannot explicitly say how on earth it does help one's faith to have it 'beaten'. However, I can easily admit that there are things about God I will never understand--those are things of heaven and I am here. But, I will venture a guess (hopefully an educated one). He wants us to have a stronger 'foundation/building material' for our faith, and we so often use the weaker material. Instead of Christ being our foundation, we replace him with doctrine, tradition, role-models, family values, relationships, even (a great misfortune) politics. All these things are greatly important--each of them have strong opinions on. Nonetheless, if they are at the foundation, if those things are the building material of one's faith, they will be swept away by God. He wants to show us we are to use stronger material--the strongest. But this does not answer the difficult questions like: Why does he use such force? Why does it hurt so badly? Why does it stir so much doubt? Why does he do things the way he does? I wish I could understand, but I cannot, and I do not know if I shall find the answer in this life. I am stilling trying to find my foundation in Christ, perhaps it takes a lifetime--does not seem so for Paul. Perhaps this is just my weak mind trying to wrap around all-powerful God.