This post does not reflect my personal political views.
The Republican National Convention was last week and Donald Trump officially accepted his candidacy for President as the Republican nominee. I thought it would be a good idea to take a closer look at the GOP and ask ourselves the important question: are they hot or not?
1. Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House: HOT
Believe it or not, he is not a former GQ Model!! Shocking, I know. He looks great with/without the facial hair. If politics doesn't work out, I'm not worried about his next career move. I'm certain Ralph Lauren is more than ready to welcome him. He was also elected to the U.S. House of Representatives at just 28 years old...
2. Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey: NOT
Honestly, what is he even talking about? He just makes bad jokes about Hillary that he probably (definitely) didn't write himself. I think this must be a defense mechanism for getting passed over for Trump's VP pick. Always almost out of breath.
3. Marco Rubio, U.S. Senator, FL: HOT
His winning smile just reminds me of a golden retriever. I feel like he was the underdog in a schoolyard fight with a bully who stole his lunch money but through determination and the help of his group of misfit best friends, he overcame adversity and stood up to the school bully and got his lunch money back. A true success story.
4. Ted Cruz, U.S. Senator, TX/Suspected Zodiac Killer: NOT
His stare is just so blank I can't get over it. Are there any thoughts running through his head at this point??? Is it just an endless void?? This is probably the look he gave people growing up when they called him "Teddy." Laughing on the outside, dying on the inside.
5. Kevin McCarthy, House Majority Leader: HOT
He looks so friendly! Just like a nice guy. Probably has owned a dog and counts that dog as one of his best friends. Holds the door for you and answers the phone politely, even if it's a telemarketer.
6. Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader: NOT
He looks like a creepy turtle. Poor guy. The type to dramatically clutch the seat each time you accelerate while driving so as to passive-aggressively express his opinion that you didn't ask for.
7. Mitt Romney, Former Governor of Massachusetts, 2012 Party Nominee: HOT
He has that older/distinguished looking gentleman thing going on. Like Mr. Sheffield on The Nanny. Give him a TV show. A political sitcom. One with a laugh track.
8. Rand Paul, U.S. Senator, KY: NOT
It's the hair. Why did nobody tell him he looks like a mad scientist? Where are his real friends? Has definitely owned snakes in his lifetime. Thinks the height of comedy is to turn his ball cap to the side and flash a peace sign.
9. Rick Perry, Former Governor of Texas: HOT
He looks like he means business. Can explain to you the 2008 housing bubble without having to google it first. I trust him. He also looks like the dad from the 2005 movie Sky High.
10. Newt Gingrich, Former Speaker of the House: NOT
His face is squished. Probably Marco Rubio's schoolyard bully and/or the principal that did not reprimand Rubio's bully for stealing Rubio's lunch money, and so Rubio had to take matters into his own hands.
