While the year started off interesting and new, I've found myself in a current predicament of not quite feeling like myself anymore. Of course, college changes a person. You are now living on your own and everything is up to you. You are surrounded by a multitude of different people and influenced by more than a handful of sources. But this internal feeling is different.

I don't feel like myself, nor the person I want to be.

I have many assumptions about why this has happened. The first is that spring semester of college is comparable and perhaps worse than the classic case "senioritis." With the generous mix between fest season, lack of motivation, and summer seeming as if it's so close and yet so far, it becomes extremely difficult to focus on your work.

This lack of inspiration for projects and drive to get things done as made me lazy and tired constantly. A state of being in which I truly do not like. I find myself in my happiest place when I am comfortable busy rather than cramming events or assignments in at the last minute.

The other reason I have not been feeling like myself is, you guessed it, boys. One after the other, guys seemed to take interest in talking to me for a week or two, ghost me, and a new one would follow. And the saddest part is that I constantly let it happen. Thinking "maybe this one will be different," when each one left and hurt me. Throughout these past few months, I have felt in a consistent state of hope to sadness, which has not been a very healthy mindset to live in. Especially with it being spring semester.

The winter has been cold and lasting well longer than it ever should. And along with this, carried my saddening mood. Now that the sun is finally starting to resurface, I feel warmer, and not just in a literal sense. I feel happier. As this semester closes, I feel with it, some type of renewal. In other words, the summer's warmer days give me the fresh start of having warmer and happier days of my own.

I already have an obnoxiously long list of things I want to get accomplished this summer. And overall, these things will allow me to grow into the person I am, while still being able to feel like myself at the same time.

With my freshman year almost out of the way, I hope to do everything I can to make the most out of what I have left of freshman year and college, and even life. This shall be my new mission. To have happy, beautiful days. To brighten even the saddest and coldest days to come. To make every day a warm day, and to have many warm days.