The most extraordinary pain most of us will feel comes from the time our heart gets broken. We go from feeling safe and happy to vulnerable and wounded without a second to comprehend the change of state. We’re counting on someone and they let us down. We are suddenly injured and alone and we don’t know how to deal with the rush of emotions. It feels like your life was just shattered and you try to put the pieces back together but they don’t seem to fit because everything we said, did, and believed is now hazy and vexed. We thought we knew who we were and what we were doing, but now everything is up in the air. Our entire universe seems to have changed, and therefore we are forced to change, which is why it takes so long to heal the wounds.

The thing about broken hearts is that sadness is only the beginning. We feel alone for days, and at some point, our tears turn to anger. We are so, so angry; at our exes, at ourselves, at the feeling of love and all it dictates. We are angry at him or her for walking away. We are angry at ourselves for not seeing things that seem so obvious. We are angry that love, and loving one person, can control all of our emotions. We feel trapped in our own minds. We feel bitter and the furthest thing from confident.

Eventually, we claim that we are feeling better. Even though we know this is a lie, it’s the first step to real recovery. We try to move on with the help of our friends and other support systems. We try to stop analyzing what went wrong and we convince ourselves that it wasn’t meant to be, that better things are coming, that we will soon get through this. We attempt to distract ourselves from our ever present emotions by burying ourselves in work, social events, and partying.

Our broken spirits are intimidating; it seems as if they will never mend. But finally, an amazing thing happens.

By a magical combination of positive thinking, healthy reflection, and time, we really begin to heal. All of a sudden, we can see even the faintest silver lining in the dark, hovering, clouds. We stop lying to ourselves and we begin to believe that everything will be okay because we can feel ourselves getting better. We are no longer depressed all the time. We are sad at times, but we generally feel alright. We smile real smiles and laugh honest laughs. When we discuss our exes we are now truthful, we don’t blame everything on them or make them out to be the only one who made mistakes. We are stable enough to admit our wrongs and regrets. There may still be flickering questions about our past relationship and what happened but we let them simmer. We have faith that soon they will be gone forever.

Getting your heart broken is messy and devastating, yet it’s an absolutely incredible experience. It’s one of those rare times when you’re forced to reflect upon and rebuild yourself, which is a wonderful consequence. As your reassemble your shattered heart, you have to face your weaknesses, which can be terrifying. But once you are able to recognize and be honest with those insecurities, you are closer to a true peace of mind, inner happiness, and a sturdy backbone.

Surviving a broken heart is an experience that only makes us stronger. After feeling destroyed, we find courage that we didn’t know we had. We realize that no matter how sad we were to lose that person, we are happy we got the chance to be with them at all. We learn to cope with never knowing all the answers instead of constantly analyzing the questions.

We learn something after every heartbreaking relationship. We change the things in ourselves that we want to change and even further embrace the parts of our character that we like. When we heal, we realize how much we love who we are, and therefore, we are confident that we will find someone else who sees what we see. We come to terms with the fact that maybe we don’t really know what we want yet or maybe we were never meant to have what we want with that person. Either way, with every break up comes a better you, and that is something you can count on.