I really never thought I would have to write this letter, but you’ve been on my mind lately. I’ve been trying to understand what about you was getting to me. Will you ever read this? I can’t say for sure, but if you do, be warned I’m done blaming myself for everything that went wrong.
I still wonder where it all went wrong. Was it the ridiculous arguments? Was it the other people in our lives? You? Me? Sometimes I think we just may have just grown apart, but making myself believe something like that would be the entire reason it's entirely foolish. When we went our separate ways, I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I didn’t think that the aftermath of letting go of a friend like you would affect me as much as it did. The arguments and distance between us should have made it easier for both of us. I can only speak for myself from here.
I cried for hours. It’s funny to say that, to admit how much it hurt me. How do you handle pain when the person you went to is now the person causing your pain? We both understood that we were changing. It got to the point where though I still wanted to come to you first, you had found someone new to go to. At first, it didn’t bother me. We had friends outside of each other, so you not coming to me for everything was no big deal. We still had our random conversations that I loved so much, no topic was ever off limits with you. I am so thankful to have had that.
Eventually, our conversations took an awkward turn.
“How are you? / How was your day? / What’s up”
“*Insert simple answers here and repeats questions*”
“*Insert few words for answer*”
There wasn’t a piece of me that didn’t blame myself for our distance. I told myself I wasn’t interesting enough, I was old news, you were moving on with your life. Maybe I just had to accept that once and for all. Our last conversation… we knew it was all over that day. We said our final goodbyes, and you told me that you would always be there for me. I told you I hoped to see you around, and that was the end of you and me.
Days go by, and I found myself still checking my phone to see if you had messaged. I found myself wanting to message you about the random things that were going on at school or the funny jokes that only you would laugh at. Gosh, I missed you. I missed talking to you. I still do sometimes, but at this point I know it was for the best. We weren’t good friends anymore, we are strangers now.
I wanted to believe that in the end you had just as much fault in this as I did, but I couldn't bring myself to blame you. It was me. It had to be all on me, right? What ended us? I did. Who's fault was it? Mine. Who could fix this? No one could. I blamed myself for two friends growing apart. I still do sometimes... I don't want to do that anymore.
I hope that whatever you are up to now makes you happy. I really do hope you’re doing well. There are still days where I wonder if I could have fixed this somehow, but perhaps some relationships just can’t last forever. I wish you well Hun.
Silly smiles and one last hug,