Honesty is the best policy...right?

Honesty is an essential part of any kind of relationship, be it romantic, platonic, or familial. Without honesty, trust has a very difficult time being built. Trustworthiness, in turn, creates the foundations of reliability and confidence in a relationship. So yes, honesty proves to be a major key in most relationships.

But what about brutal honesty?

If honesty is the best policy, you should be free to speak your complete free mind, correct?

Let me make this clear: honesty is a very important aspect of relationships, but brutal honesty can lead to worse situations. How many people actually like it when someone says in their completely honest opinion that the essay you worked on for the past two days is terrible? Brutal honesty can quickly become rude, and even patronizing.

Of course, there are people who do not mind this type of upfront confession of thoughts, but that does not mean everyone is okay with it. People like positive reinforcement. Brutal honesty is perfectly fine if both parties in the relationship have established it as acceptable, but with others, err on the side of caution.

I know some people out there will then think "Well why should I filter myself for others who can't stand to hear some honesty and get too easily offended?" Not saying your complete honest thoughts does not mean you can't be honest. For example, instead of saying "your outfit is a tacky, trashy mess," you could say "your outfit could be better, honey." Filtering honest thoughts comes down to not being rude. Then, you could go on to the root of the problem. For the outfit, guide the person on what exactly they could change.

What really makes you up is not those little thoughts floating around your head, but your choice on how to act upon those thoughts. Honesty is about how you choose to portray yourself to others. Honesty is about choosing who you want to be.

I am not at all stating that you should go around warping the truth and your feelings for everyone, that would also be chaos. There is a precarious balance that needs to be found between honesty and compassion. As with any skill, honesty is something that can get better with more practice.

So, remember to be true to yourself! Honesty begins with yourself. Then, you can get to the deeper roots of the truth and have good conversation with the other person with respect and humility to yourself as well.