When someone asks me what I find the most challenging about my anxiety, I always answer with the same response; my anxiety is a constant reminder of everything that I am self-conscious about and it’s that little nagging pest constantly telling you that you can’t do something because the worst will inevitably happen. I’ve been through a lot in my life when it comes to my anxiety. I have seen so many doctors over the years shake their heads with confusion when I was describing all my physical symptoms, but yet all the tests would come back clear. That little pest pokes its ugly head up, impacting not only your mental health-but your physical health as well. Let me paint a picture for you: imagine a thirteen-year-old girl sitting in her room, crying, shaking, throwing up and informing my mom that if something wasn’t done right away, I wanted to end it all. Now imagine a 21-year-old sitting in her apartment in Dublin, thousands of miles away from her family and everything she knows, writing this piece to share with all of you lovely people. How can that 13-year-old girl change so dramatically?
I’ll tell you how. I want to share my journey with you all because I want to end the days where people feel as if they cannot openly talk about their struggles with mental health. First off, I will tell you all to accept that what you’re feeling is REAL. That panic that you feel when it feels as if the world is ending (when you logically know full well it isn’t) is very real in that you should never downplay what you’re feeling as stupid. It’s easy for someone else who doesn’t have anxiety to label your reactions as stupid, but that is simply because they do not know what it is like to experience a true blue anxiety attack. Secondly, do not be afraid to ask for help. I know that sounds cliché, but trust me, it works. Then, find healthy outlets to express yourself. All of you wonderful people are, believe it or not, part of my anxiety management because sharing my story and talking about it is how I best cope. And finally, challenge your anxiety. I had a really great therapist one time who likened anxiety to a dragon. A dragon that will always be there, but a dragon that you can tame and put in a cage. I challenge you to look that dragon in the face and say “you’re not going to get me today”. Trust me, I of all people know how hard that is to do.
The way I did that was by going abroad by myself. Metaphorically, the line at TSA in the airport, was my dragon. Going through that line meant that my family couldn’t go any further with me. Beyond that point, I had to figure it all out for myself. But what was hardest was temporarily saying goodbye to the people I love the most. My sister dropped me off at the airport before I arrived in Dublin. I felt the anxiety dragon getting bigger and more powerful as I approached the much dreaded TSA line. But instead of letting that dragon consume me, I said “not today’ and I confidently hugged my sister and continued on.
