This weekend the world was blessed with the unveiling of "Everything is Love" by the Carters. For the last four days the album has been on repeat for me for two reasons. One it's the perfect summer album. Second, it's the first time in a long time that I've witnessed a black couple be so transparent about their relationship.
In most black households we live and die by the phrase "what happens in this house, stays in this house". While loyalty and trust are key components of any relationship this phrase often hinders more than it helps as a result of being used as a weapon to keep hidden real issues occurring in households. Most of us are struggling, and I can't help but think if we were honest with one another about the issues we were facing and the work we are doing to work through our issues all of our lives could be significantly easier.
As a millenial I feel a constant pressure to decide how I want to portray my relationship to the world around me. Do I want to post about my significant other all the time? Do I want to post about our trials and tribulations or do I just want to post our highlight reel? Or do I want to protect my relationship from the world and it's judgement by living by the phrase "a private life is a happy life?"
The Carters find a way to walk the line perfectly with slowly unveiling parts of their relationship through through their music to the world. Most of us only know exactly what they want to see and know. This of course hasn't come without it's disadvantages.
For a long time the couple kept the world out of their relationship and as a result only positive responses from the general public appeared. However, as soon as the cloak of invisibility was removed and they were transparent about the issues they have had to work through as partners the world began to vilify both of them. Many women vilified Beyonce for staying and said she was weak for not leaving. Others vilified Jay Z for simply learning that he too was human and capable falling short to expectations of a monogamous relationship.
Seeing this frightens and comforts me. It's frightening to learn that most us have been so conditioned to view relationships in the same manner as fairy tales. Rather than viewing relationships are dynamic and constantly changing most of us have the expectations that relationships are sunshine and roses all the time.
While we would never put these expectations on non-romantic relationships we do enforce these outlandish expectations on romantic relationships. Most of us aren't willing to respect those who have done the heavy emotional labor of forgiveness and working to move forward. This is by no means to say that cheating on your significant other is okay. It's not and never will be because convenience and commitment are not be misconstrued. Instead, I am arguing that we need to normalize transparency so that people don't feel hindered by the truth.
Most women have been cheated on not as result of their lack of beauty, attention or ability but as a result of insecurities their partners have yet to work on and resolve. I respect Jay Z and Beyonce on a whole new level for choosing to stand in their truth about the lows of their relationship in addition to the work they've had to do mutually to get to where they are now. Lemonade, 4:44, and Everything Is Love give me hope that entertainers are beginning to use their platforms to push us and themselves to be better people and partners.
